Q.My six-year-old son is a really bad loser. Any time we are playing a simple game with rules he cheats or freaks out when he can’t win every time. It is becoming really irritating and is making him very unpopular with other children who often avoid playing with him. How can I help him be a better loser?
A.While most children learn over time how to participate and cooperate in games, many find this really hard and can become really upset at losing. This can be due to a lack of confidence and needing to win to feel good about themselves or due to being having a competitive personality. Whatever the reason, it is a good idea to help your son learn how to participate in games independent of winning and losing as this will help him make and keep friends. A good way to help your son is to ‘coach him’ as you play together:
1) First play with interactive activities that your son enjoys and which do not involve winning or losing, such as building a model, using lego or making a collage. The aim is to build your son’s confidence by giving him the experience of working together and completing a task. Make sure to use lots of praise and encouragement so he can really feel proud on completion (e.g. you could display his picture in the house or tell someone else how well he has done).
2) Introduce competitive games with simple rules that your son can easily do. Rather than criticising when he breaks a rule, make sure to notice and praise any time he participates well – e.g. thanks for the dice, it is now my turn. Be very positive and congratulatory when he wins and very sympathetic when he loses – eg. ‘hard luck, you lost that time, but you played well’.
3) Over time, introduce other children into the games and once again, make sure to notice any time your son shares or waits his turn, or behaves in a sporting manner. For example, you’re waiting while P takes a go, good lad’ Or ‘that was nice you helped P with her turn’.
4) Finally, chat to your son about the whole topic of how to make friends or to play games well. There are many storybooks in the library about being good friends, which you can read together.