Q. Last week my fourteen year old son was brought home very drunk by police. I was very shocked as he has always been a responsible boy and has never done anything like this before. I was also really angry both at him and at his friends, who it seems left him to fend for himself when they went to a party. He was incoherent when he came home, so I sent him to bed. The next day he said he was sorry and that it would not happen again. To be honest I am not sure whether to believe him or what I should do to make sure he doesn’t drink again.
A. I can imagine how distressing it must have been for you to see your son brought home like this and I can understand your anger at him and his friends and your desire to make sure it doesn’t happen again. The important think is to talk through the issues with your son. It is not enough for your son just to say it wont happen again, you need to be really convinced of this. You need to fully understand the circumstances that led to him drinking so you can ensure it doesn’t happen again. For example, if it was true that the friend was responsible for introducing him to the drink or not protecting him when he was drunk (though you may need to check these facts carefully) then you may need to help your son think about hanging out with other friends and you may to want to talk to his friends parents.
When talking to your son, make sure to listen first and get him to tell you exactly what happened as well as encouraging him to say what he feels about what happened (he may be as upset and frightened by it as you are). The ideal is to get him to come up with ideas or an action plan to ensure he will be safe in the future. Above all, communicate to him that you love and care for him and this is the reason that you need to ensure his safety.
Finally, though you have experienced a distressing event, it could be a one off and hopefully a warning shot for your son that makes him be more safety conscious in the future.