Q: Recently, there has been a lot of articles in the newspapers about how slapping is harmful to children. Is this always the case? I have a three year old son and sometimes I give him a slap when he fights with other children or is really naughty. He seems to accept it and it seems to do him no harm
A: While it is impossible to say that in every case and in every instance slapping is harmful to children, there are a lot of risks attached to using it as a form of discipline. When parents slap children they teach them that hitting is an appropriate way of dealing with problems and the children are more likely to use hitting themselves. Also, parents are likely to use slapping when they are annoyed or have lost their temper – in these situations they could easily over-slap or hit their children excessively. Finally, there are lots of highly effective ways of disciplining children that do not involve slapping, and which have the added bonus of showing children how to remain calm and in control.
One of the most effective is to let your child experience consequences for his misbehaviour. For example, if your son keeps throwing his toys, then the toys get put away for an hour or if he is fighting he has to take a Time Out and sit on the stairs for a few minutes until he is calm. By offering these consequences as choices to a child ‘either you stop fighting now, or you will have to sit on the stairs’ you help your child take responsibility for his actions and you can enforce these rules while remaining calm and in control. Research shows that these methods are very effective in reducing misbehaviour.
In addition, as well as dealing with misbehaviour as it occurs it is also important to take a preventative approach and teach your child how to behave well. For example, if fighting is the problem you could notice and praise any time he shares or gets along with other children or you could take time to play with him and show him how to share and take turns. This positive approach is the best long term approach to teaching children how to behave well.