Q. My four year old daughter recently has started to get out of her bed and come into ours in the middle of the night. Myself and my husband have allowed this for a while but now we feel it is time to get her back into the bed. However, when we try to take her back to her bed she gets upset and can throw a tantrum. She only stops when I let her back into our bed. What should we do?
A. Dealing with tantrums is hard work, especially in the middle of the night when you are tired, and it is understandable that you might give in and let her into the bed – however this may give her the message that the best way to get Mummy’s attention or to get her own way is to throw a tantrum.
If you want her to get back into the routine of sleeping in her own bed here are some ideas:
- plan a bedtime routine where she does get a little bit of special time with you (maybe a story after she gets into bed). You could also plan a morning routine whereby she can come in for a ten minute cuddle just before you get up (this can be a nice reward for a night in her own bed)
- do up a star chart with her, where by she gets a star each time she goes to bed on time and special big star in the morning if she stays in her own bed (or goes back to her bed when Mummy asks in the night)
- If she tries to get into your bed, gently and firmly take her back to her bed. Try to remain calm and to ignore her protests. You can simple say ‘When you are sitting quietly in your bed, Mummy will sit with you for a minute’ Then when she is calm in her bed you can give her a little bit of attention sitting by her bedside (not talking which might keep her wake, but something like stroking her forehead or tummy to help her sleep)
- If she gets out of the bed again, you have to repeat the response above. Though it can be hard work most children do settle back into a routine
- If you are feeling tired, her father could go through the responses above (or you could alternate and give each other a break)