Q. When my family get together there can be lots of bickering and fighting. My mother organises the Christmas dinner and the tradition is that my brothers and sisters and their families come. There is often tension between by brothers especially after drinking and last year there was a terrible atmosphere after a long Christmas day of happy famlies. To be honest I am dreading it this year.
A. While Christmas is generally seen as a happy family time, when friends and relative who have not seen each other for some time come together to reconnect and celebrate, this is only one side of the story. Christmas can also be a time of great stress for families. The pressure and burden of preparation and gift buying can take their toll on some family members (especially if they feel others aren’t pulling their weight). Family conflicts and difficulties which have lay dormant for most of the year can be brought to the fore especially after several hours of confinement together under the same roof. The large amounts of alcohol that are consumed over the festivities only fuel the problem making family members disinhibited and more likely to raise conflicts at an inappropriate time. So you are definitely not alone in dreading Christmas but there are things you can do about it:
Try and anticipate in advance any family problems or conflicts that might emerge. If possible try and face up and deal with the problems before Christmas day. Could you arrange to talk with your brothers in advance about what happened last year and think through how to make it go better this time.
Be prepared to change the normal Christmas arrangements. Families often go on having the same ritual each year long after people really want it (if you talk to your mother, maybe she does not really want to cook for everyone and maybe other people would prefer another arrangement and a neutral venue).
If there are likely to be conflicts, sometimes it works to limit the time you spend with family members. Instead of spending the whole day and night together, what about just meeting for dinner or meeting for a time in the evening.
When with the family, try and avoid alcohol or drinking to excess and concentrate on happy neutral subjects keeping away from contentious issues
Finally make sure next year to try and address the underlying issues in your family well in advance of Christmas!