Articles by John Sharry
Bedtime is chaos, should I stagger bedtime for my three children?
QUESTION: Bedtime can be chaos in my home with my three children who are four, six and seven. They all become giddy and spark off each other, going into each other’s beds and rooms and it can be exhausting getting them all settled. Should I try to stagger their bedtimes? When I tried to do … Continue reading Bedtime is chaos, should I stagger bedtime for my three children?
Our nine year old worries that we will divorce (even though we are happily married).
QUESTION: My nine-year-old daughter is extremely anxious. Despite me and her dad talking to her and reassuring her, she still seems to be very worried. Her main issue is that her dad and I will split up and remarry, despite being happily married to each other. We try not to argue in front of our … Continue reading Our nine year old worries that we will divorce (even though we are happily married).
My five year old girl won’t sleep in her own bed
QUESTION Since Christmas, I have had a problem getting my five-year- old daughter to stay in her own bed and sleep through the night. At Christmas she went from her normal 8pm bedtime to 9pm, andsometimes 9.30pm, because she was on holidays from school. Big mistake. Now she wants to stay in our bed and … Continue reading My five year old girl won’t sleep in her own bed
My nine year old is anxious and a big worrier. How can I help her?
QUESTION I have a nine-year-old daughter who is a gentle, empathic child but can be a real worrier. She gets herself into a state over just about everything. With the recent bad weather she was worried that we were going to have a flood or that something was going to be blown off the house … Continue reading My nine year old is anxious and a big worrier. How can I help her?
My 12 year old won’t get up for school
QUESTION I have a 12-year-old boy who just won’t get up for school. He doesn’t appear to have issues with school, seems to be doing well once he gets there, has lots of friends and so on. The problem is the battle in the morning to get him up. We try to have him in bed … Continue reading My 12 year old won’t get up for school
Is Dad coming to my First Communion?
Q: My daughter is making her First Communion this year. She is an only child and I separated from her father shortly after she was born. Unfortunately, he has had only intermittent involvement in her life. He worked abroad for the first few years, and I have brought her up largely alone, with a lot of … Continue reading Is Dad coming to my First Communion?
My 14 year old won’t switch off technology at night.
QUESTION: My 14-year-old son is a poor sleeper, which has implications for him getting up in the mornings. He has got into bad habits and has a TV in his room. He says watching TV in his room helps him relax before sleep, though I am not sure. He is also on his tablet all the … Continue reading My 14 year old won’t switch off technology at night.
With a family history of anxiety and depression, I worry about my 4 year old
Q: I am writing to you in connection with my 4½ year old daughter. She is a lovely, caring, intelligent girl who is also great fun. However, I am worried about her. She has recently become very sensitive and can seem down in herself. For example, she often makes genuinely funny jokes and clever observations. If … Continue reading With a family history of anxiety and depression, I worry about my 4 year old
My nine year old is very anxious
QUESTION I believe my nine-year-old son suffers with anxiety problems. From time to time he gets so upset and tearful that he gets a pain in his tummy and clings to me or his mother, not wanting us to leave him. No amount of coaxing can get him to tell me what is wrong. I have … Continue reading My nine year old is very anxious
School refusal: My daughter panics at the thought of school
QUESTION My daughter, who is 13, is having terrible trouble getting to school. She is in first year of secondary school and wakes up each morning full of anxiety, and making as many excuses as she can about going. I can’t pinpoint anything in particular that is causing her to be worried, other than that … Continue reading School refusal: My daughter panics at the thought of school
My 5 year old daughter gets her little brother in trouble
QUESTION Our five-year-old daughter has recently started trying to get our two-year-old son in trouble, or even injured. The most recent incident involved her telling him to jump off the top bunk in her room. When I asked her what she thought would happen if he had jumped, she said that she thought he would break … Continue reading My 5 year old daughter gets her little brother in trouble
Exam stress is overwhelming my anxious son
QUESTION My 15-year-old son is very anxious about his Junior Cert. It has got to the point where he is nearly having panic attacks at the thought of the exams. He has always been a bit of a perfectionist and an anxious child, but this is the worst I have seen him. How can I … Continue reading Exam stress is overwhelming my anxious son
My 3 year old is cheeky and won’t take correction
QUESTION: I have a beautiful, lively and very articulate three-year-old girl. She can be very whingey and now this is escalating into cheeky behaviour. A typical scenario is that we are playing a game or completing a task together and, for no evident reason, she takes great exception to something. She whinges, “Maammyy . . … Continue reading My 3 year old is cheeky and won’t take correction
Going potty with toilet-training stress
Q: I have a problem with potty training that has left me completely stressed out. I have tried many other channels for help but, sadly, there does not seem to be anyone who can give me guidance on this. My daughter is 31 months old and we have been potty training her for three months. She … Continue reading Going potty with toilet-training stress
Weaning and working: how do I wind down breastfeeding?
QUESTION I am wondering when and how I should start to wean my five-month-old son. I have been breastfeeding him from birth and this has all gone well but I am due to go back to work part-time in three months and need to get him ready for this. I’m not sure whether to stop … Continue reading Weaning and working: how do I wind down breastfeeding?
How do we tell our children their dad is terminally ill?
QUESTION: We have two children – a boy of 11 and a girl of 14 – and we have just learned that their dad is terminally ill with cancer. My husband has been given about 12 months to live. We are both in shock but trying to think about what is best for our children. How … Continue reading How do we tell our children their dad is terminally ill?
My 10 year old is shy and finds it hard to make friends
QUESTION: My 10-year-old daughter is in fourth class. She has always been shy, particularly when she meets new people, but recently this seems to have got a lot worse. In her all-girls school, one girl she was particularly friendly with has joined another group of friends in the class and my daughter feels a little lost. … Continue reading My 10 year old is shy and finds it hard to make friends
Anxiety in Pregnancy: I worry that I won’t be a good mother
QUESTION: I am expecting my first child in three months and my partner and I are over the moon. We had a few problems conceiving and were overjoyed when it finally happened. However, in recent months I find myself growing increasingly anxious about becoming a mother and I have even woken up at night worrying about … Continue reading Anxiety in Pregnancy: I worry that I won’t be a good mother
Our baby won’t settle if his dad puts him to bed
Q: I have a baby son who is 11 months old. He can be very clingy with me and reject his dad, especially when he is going to sleep at night. He always insists that I put him to bed and if his father tries to do this, he screams and shouts until I come up … Continue reading Our baby won’t settle if his dad puts him to bed
My seven month old will only go back to sleep if I feed him
Q: My seven-month-old son has started to wake a few times a night and I am exhausted. He used to be a relatively good sleeper and for about a month he slept through the night. Then he got sick and we were comforting him at night; now he continues to wake. The only thing that helps him … Continue reading My seven month old will only go back to sleep if I feed him
My fussy eaters are wearing me down
QUESTION: My children are six and eight and they don’t eat. They look healthy, they grow and, thankfully, they are happy, but yet they do not eat. I did it all right when they were babies – introduced the tastes, whizzed up the spinach and all the rest – but they both started to turn their … Continue reading My fussy eaters are wearing me down
Bad behaviour: Our girl is a street angel and a house devil
QUESTION: My 12-year-old daughter is making all our lives hell at home. She has always been fiery and prone to dramatic meltdowns and flying off the handle. But it has become much worse this year since she started secondary school. The funny thing is that outside the home she is sweetness and light. Her last … Continue reading Bad behaviour: Our girl is a street angel and a house devil
My teenager wants to be vegetarian but i’m doing all the cooking!
Q: For a couple of years, my daughter, who is nearly 15, has been saying she wants to be a vegetarian. She has always been an animal-lover and has recently become vocal about the way animals are treated in the food industry. She was really put off meat after one of her school projects. Although we initially … Continue reading My teenager wants to be vegetarian but i’m doing all the cooking!
My 11 year is unhappy about my new relationship
Q: I’m the father of an 11-year-old girl. My wife died almost two years ago. I have recently started a new relationship with someone familar to my daughter (she has taken her shopping, babysat for her and so on before the relationship started), and my daughter is fond of her but since the start of … Continue reading My 11 year is unhappy about my new relationship
Morning meltdowns: mine and the children’s
QUESTION Since the children started back to school, it has been really stressful in the house. We have three children, who are six, eight and 10, and I’m caught in an endless cycle of rushing to get them into school and then rushing to afterschool activities and pressured homework routines. I find myself losing my temper … Continue reading Morning meltdowns: mine and the children’s
My violent ex-husband is seeking contact with our son
Q: I left a very unhappy marriage just under a year ago. My husband is a drinker and he can be aggressive and violent. I left with my son, who is now five, after an episode of violence that my son witnessed, and went to live with my mother. His father has not been in touch much … Continue reading My violent ex-husband is seeking contact with our son
My husband has betrayed me and our children
Q: My husband left me suddenly 18 months ago, after 20 years of marriage. I was completely shocked because I did not see it coming; we had our problems, but no more so than most couples. He said he had been unhappy for years and said he was waiting for the children to be in college … Continue reading My husband has betrayed me and our children
Talking about a tragedy
The tragic death of 9-year-old twins Patrick and Tom O’Driscoll in Cork and their older brother Jonathan, is one of the most disturbing and heart-breaking news stories to read as a parent. We struggle to comprehend what circumstances might have led to such a tragic event and what could have been the state of mind … Continue reading Talking about a tragedy
My junior infant doesn’t want to go back to school
QUESTION My son started in junior infants last week. As he is our eldest we were all a bit nervous, but it seemed to go fine. We had prepared him well and he seemed very positive about it. However, yesterday he announced that he did not want to go back to school. He told me … Continue reading My junior infant doesn’t want to go back to school
My ex-wife is aggressive and I’m worried about my daughter
Q: I split up with my wife just over a year ago. Despite having lasted 10 years, it had been a very unhappy marriage. My wife constantly belittled me, and could be very aggressive and volatile towards me. Things went badly wrong after my daughter, who is now six, was born. My wife found parenting hard, and … Continue reading My ex-wife is aggressive and I’m worried about my daughter
I want to toilet train my 3 year old ahead of preschool
Q: Our daughter, who turns three in October, is starting Montessori this autumn and needs to be toilet trained before she goes. She is a bright girl and we thought that we could manage the toilet training, as we did with her older brother. When we tried in early June, however, we found that she totally … Continue reading I want to toilet train my 3 year old ahead of preschool
How can I rebuild bonds with my 14 month old?
Q: I separated from my wife two years ago when my daughter was 14 months old. It was a difficult time, with a lot of conflict with my wife, and I did not see my daughter for a few months. About four months ago I got back into regular contact with my daughter through the courts, … Continue reading How can I rebuild bonds with my 14 month old?
How to deal with night terrors?
Q: We found our four-year-old son sitting up the other night screaming and shouting. He looked really upset and agitated, yet seemed to be still asleep. It was very upsetting to see and we didn’t know what to do. In a few minutes he settled down and went back to sleep soundly. My sister says it … Continue reading How to deal with night terrors?
I want to see more of my baby. What are my legal rights?
QUESTION I am a separated father and my daughter is 10 months old. My relationship with my ex-girlfriend ended, and then she discovered she was pregnant. Since my daughter was born, things have been difficult with my ex and she allows me to see my daughter for only one or two hours each week. I … Continue reading I want to see more of my baby. What are my legal rights?
How can I manage my 8 year old morning meltdowns?
QUESTION: My daughter is nearly eight years old and has frequent meltdowns and hysterical outbursts that are very hard to manage. Last week when under pressure she threw a hissy-fit and refused point blank to get into the car to go to school. I ended up dragging her into the car which meant she kicked and hit … Continue reading How can I manage my 8 year old morning meltdowns?
My son is unsettled after weekends with his father
Q: My seven-year-old son spends every second weekend (Friday to Sunday evening) with his father, my ex-husband. (We separated 18 months ago.) When he comes back from the visits he doesn’t talk to me about what went on over the weekend. He is often very tired and upset, and it can take a few days … Continue reading My son is unsettled after weekends with his father
My teenager blames me for the separation
Q: I split up with my wife eight months ago and it is becoming hard to see my 12-year-old daughter. She seems to be really angry with me and blames me for the separation. The marriage did finally end because I had an affair, but this was after years of problems. To make matters worse, my … Continue reading My teenager blames me for the separation
New dad: I’m struggling to cope
QUESTION: My wife and I have a baby boy, who is four months old, and I am struggling to cope. I’m under pressure at work and there is pressure at home, minding the baby. My wife, understandably, is consumed by minding our son and is frustrated with me for not helping out more. I feel guilty … Continue reading New dad: I’m struggling to cope
How can I help my son manage his tics?
QUESTION Our eldest son is nearly eight years old. In the past couple of years he has developed several motor and vocal tics, and we are unsure how to help him deal with them. Up to last year we mostly ignored them and reassured him they would go away. However, he began to become more aware … Continue reading How can I help my son manage his tics?
My six year old won’t go to bed
QUESTION: I am writing about my girl who is just six years old. There is a real problem getting her to bed and it can take on average two hours, from 8pm to 10pm, for her to settle, by which time we are all exhausted and I’m usually in tears. She continues to come downstairs, with … Continue reading My six year old won’t go to bed
My six year old has nightmares, how can we help her?
QUESTION: My six-year-old daughter often has nightmares in the middle of the night, sometimes twice a week. She can get very upset and then comes into our bed for comfort. What is the best way to help her? Is there anything causing them, and should we continue to let her come into the bed with … Continue reading My six year old has nightmares, how can we help her?
New Baby: We are fighting all the time
Q: My husband and I have a beautiful eight-month-old baby, but the problem is that my husband and I just seem to be fighting all the time. I feel alone and isolated minding the baby at home and he still expects me to do most of the housework. I appreciate that he is under a lot of … Continue reading New Baby: We are fighting all the time
My son is mean to his younger sister
QUESTION: My six-year-old son is always picking on his four-year-old sister and sometimes he can be really cruel to her. He calls her names, teases her and even hits her. He has a really nasty streak and I spend a lot of time policing their relationship. I have tried being firm and using the naughty step … Continue reading My son is mean to his younger sister
How to get our 3 year old back into his own bed?
Q: We have a little boy who was three last January who is sleeping in his own bed but now wakes up every night and comes into the bed with us. We are persistent and bring him back to his own bed. But he gets upset unless one of us stay with him as he … Continue reading How to get our 3 year old back into his own bed?
Help me deal with my teen’s insecurities
QUESTION: My 14-year-old daughter, who used to be a happy, confident child, has become quite introverted and lacking in confidence. She makes lots of comments, putting herself down and implying that she is not attractive. For example, when watching TV she will mention how some skinny girl on the screen is “gorgeous” or “has a great figure”, somehow … Continue reading Help me deal with my teen’s insecurities
My 14 month old is slapping and hitting
Q: I have a 14-month-old baby boy who has recently started slapping and hitting. This happens to everyone who gets at all close to him or within reach. He doesn’t seem to slap aggressively. It’s more in a playful way but, having said that, he can slap quite hard. We tell him ‘Don’t slap’, and say he … Continue reading My 14 month old is slapping and hitting
My daughter resents my new partner
Q: I have been separated for just over three years and I have a nine-year-old daughter. She sees her dad about twice a week and the arrangement seems to work okay for everyone. I’ve recently started seeing someone new, and I’m worried that my daughter is not adapting well to the new situation. My new … Continue reading My daughter resents my new partner
Is my teenager addicted to technology?
QUESTION: How addictive is technology for teenagers? My two do not seem to be able to last a few minutes without their phone and access to social networking sites. I feel like I have lost them to computers and phones. I am particularly worried about my 15-year-old son who seems to be completely addicted. He tries to … Continue reading Is my teenager addicted to technology?
My teenage daughter doesn’t talk to me
QUESTION: My 15-year-old daughter hasn’t said anything more than “Yeah” or “No” to me for more than a year. I know that all teenagers go through a moody period but I’m worried that this is going on too long. I don’t know anything about what is going on in her life and the person she’s becoming. I’d like … Continue reading My teenage daughter doesn’t talk to me
How do I help my broken hearted son?
QUESTION: My son was going out with a girl for the past two years, since he was 15. They broke up a couple of months ago and, at the time, my husband and I were relieved as we thought it was becoming a little intense and distracting him from his studies. However, it has hit him hard … Continue reading How do I help my broken hearted son?
Our son is scared at night since burglary
Q: I was wondering if you could offer any advice with regard to our seven-year-old son and his sleep pattern. Over a month ago he learned of a break-in to a classmate’s house at night. He has since developed a fear of being left alone in his room and insists that we stay with him at … Continue reading Our son is scared at night since burglary
My five year old is controlling us
Q: My daughter is five and a half. She’s smart, deep and popular with her friends and teachers. She can be loads of fun and still knows how to be a child as she should at her tender age. Her biggest problems stem from control and anger. It’s a bit complicated and, of course, both … Continue reading My five year old is controlling us
We’ve drifted apart now the kids are gone
Q: I have been married for 26 years and have drifted apart from my husband to the point that we almost live separate lives. Our three children are all grown up and the youngest left to work in England last September. I also started back to work full-time a year ago and I love this – … Continue reading We’ve drifted apart now the kids are gone
My son is obese. How can we help him?
Q: I took my child to the GP due to a chest infection and as part of the examination he weighed my son and indicated that he thought he was overweight and that I should take steps to address this. I was a bit annoyed because I had not taken my son to see him for … Continue reading My son is obese. How can we help him?
My eight year old is afraid of being kidnapped and won’t sleep alone
QUESTION We hope you may be able to help: our eight-year-old daughter has recently developed a fear of being kidnapped to the extent that she will now not sleep on her own or even go upstairs without someone going with her (preferably my husband or me). She has also developed some facial tics which may be … Continue reading My eight year old is afraid of being kidnapped and won’t sleep alone
How can we get back to a better family life after a tough year?
QUESTION: My wife and I have had a challenging and busy year. I was putting in crazy hours at work and then my wife was sick for a period, which became quite a health scare but thankfully she is through that now. We have three teenage children (13, 15 and 16) who are busy with their own lives and I … Continue reading How can we get back to a better family life after a tough year?
My partner has started smoking again
QUESTION I have been with my partner for eight years and we have a 12-month-old daughter together. The issue that really bothers me is that he started smoking again seven months ago even though he knows I hate it. He didn’t tell me at first and was hiding it from me before I found out – … Continue reading My partner has started smoking again
Parenting Teenagers: ‘Navigating the Teenage Storm’
Being a parent is a bit like being the captain on a long boat or plane journey with your children. You start the journey with destination in mind and a navigation plan, but throughout the journey you can get thrown off course by different challenges and problems much in the same way as a plane is put off course by the weather or other air traffic.
Parenting Teenagers: ‘Checking in with your Teenager’
In last week’s article we considered the experience of becoming a teenager and the often ‘stormy’ consequences for parents and teenagers alike.
We argue over how to manage the kids, I’m alway’s bad cop.
QUESTION How important do you think it is for parents to present a united front to their children? How much of a problem is it when they don’t? We have three children who are seven, 10 and 14, and my husband and I are always arguing about how best to manage them. My husband is … Continue reading We argue over how to manage the kids, I’m alway’s bad cop.
One of my twins is so cheeky
Q. I have twin daughters of six years old. One of them never follows instructions or does what she is told. She will spend ages debating, being cheeky and arguing when you ask her something, and it can be very tiring. As a result, I find myself getting really annoyed at her. When she does not get what she wants, she begins to cry and scream. We put her outside the room to get her to stop but she keeps coming back in. Then she asks for a hug in order to stop crying and screaming.