Articles by John Sharry
Maintaining family wellbeing during the Covid-19 lockdown
With colleges, schools and childcare centres closed in most areas, the Covid-19 crises has instantly changed the lives of most families worldwide. Pushed tightly back into our family units without much outside contact, relationships have been put under pressure. Stressed parents struggle to balance working and caring for children all day and bored children have … Continue reading Maintaining family wellbeing during the Covid-19 lockdown
Has my shouting damaged my children?
QUESTION I have always been a bit short-tempered and this has transferred over to my parenting. I can easily get wound up by my children, who are aged five and six, and I end up shouting at them. Last year was particularly stressful due to work and family issues and I was probably caught in … Continue reading Has my shouting damaged my children?
Healthy Families Series Part 6: Nurturing Family Relationships
Over the last five weeks of this series we have looked at the habits of healthy and happy families, and now we conclude with the most important habit of all: taking time to nurture our family relationships. The closer we are to the people we love, the more happy we feel and the greater our … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 6: Nurturing Family Relationships
My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend
QUESTION My 26-year-old son’s behaviour towards his girlfriend has been giving me cause for concern for some time. They have been together since they were in their early teens and are planning to move in together this summer. The problem is that, on occasion, he shows very little respect for her. I find it both … Continue reading My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend
Should I listen to my friend’s advice on my baby’s sleep habits?
QUESTION We have a seven-month-old son who is very placid and content. He was breastfed exclusively up until we started introducing solids at 5½ months and two weeks ago, we started introducing formula feeds and weaning him off the breast. All of this is going very well. Our concern arises over his sleep routine and, … Continue reading Should I listen to my friend’s advice on my baby’s sleep habits?
How can I bond with my son? We are always fighting.
QUESTION I seem to be fighting constantly with my four-year-old son. He is demanding and whingy, and I end up shouting all the time. I know a lot of it is my fault, because I don’t think I really bonded with him. I was depressed when he was born and then again two years later … Continue reading How can I bond with my son? We are always fighting.
I’m a new mum, my family are bombarding me with advice!
QUESTION: I’m a mother for the first time, to a beautiful daughter who is now six months old. My problem is that I’m being constantly bombarded by advice from my family. My mother and father, my husband’s mother, and my sisters all pitch in with advice about how to raise my daughter. It’s driving me crazy, as … Continue reading I’m a new mum, my family are bombarding me with advice!
I feel guilty about shouting at my children
Q. If you have shouted or behaved badly with your children in the past, does this cause any long-term damage or is it possible to undo this negative experience with increased positive experiences? In the past I was very stressed as a parent, and though I never hit them, I used to get into constant rows with my children, especially my older son (now 16). In recent times, I have tried to be a bit more positive, which I do find works a lot better. However, I now find myself feeling really guilty about the way I behaved.
My teenager blames me for the separation
Q: I split up with my wife eight months ago and it is becoming hard to see my 12-year-old daughter. She seems to be really angry with me and blames me for the separation. The marriage did finally end because I had an affair, but this was after years of problems. To make matters worse, my … Continue reading My teenager blames me for the separation
My teenage daughter doesn’t talk to me
QUESTION: My 15-year-old daughter hasn’t said anything more than “Yeah” or “No” to me for more than a year. I know that all teenagers go through a moody period but I’m worried that this is going on too long. I don’t know anything about what is going on in her life and the person she’s becoming. I’d like … Continue reading My teenage daughter doesn’t talk to me
How can we get back to a better family life after a tough year?
QUESTION: My wife and I have had a challenging and busy year. I was putting in crazy hours at work and then my wife was sick for a period, which became quite a health scare but thankfully she is through that now. We have three teenage children (13, 15 and 16) who are busy with their own lives and I … Continue reading How can we get back to a better family life after a tough year?
We argue over how to manage the kids, I’m alway’s bad cop.
QUESTION How important do you think it is for parents to present a united front to their children? How much of a problem is it when they don’t? We have three children who are seven, 10 and 14, and my husband and I are always arguing about how best to manage them. My husband is … Continue reading We argue over how to manage the kids, I’m alway’s bad cop.
I’m jealous of my daughter’s relationship with her minder
Q. I have a 17-month-old daughter who is looked after by a childminder Monday to Friday as I work full- time. I would have preferred not to have to work full-time, but have no choice really due to a big mortgage and trying to pay the bills. The minder has two children of her own who are in primary school, so my daughter has the minder to herself in the mornings. My daughter is well cared for and seems to be very happy when she is there.
How to bond with a ‘difficult’ negative child?
Q. I have three children, aged 12, 10 and six, and my problem is the youngest. He stresses me out in the way the other two never did. He whines and moans all day and is negative about everything. It can become a battle to get him to do the slightest thing. Every morning I find myself dreading what mood he might be in. When he is a bad one, he can make it a terrible day for all of us.
Sibling Rivalry: My Teenagers are fighting with each other
Q. My 16-year-old daughter has always been a strong character and a bit fiery, but recently she seems to be fighting with everyone. She is very competitive and always trying to pick fights, particularly with her younger sister who is a much more laid-back character. They are very close in age, just one year between them, and I think a lot of the conflict stems from jealousy. The younger has started to do well in school and our eldest is very competitive and puts her down.
My son is coming home drunk at night
Caught in bed by my 10-year-old daughter.
Q. My daughter, who is almost 11, walked in on my husband and me when we were having sex. It was late at night and we assumed she was asleep. It was all quite embarrassing and we are not sure how much she saw or how long she was there when we spotted her. In the moment, we were both very flustered and shouted for her to go back to her room.
How can I make more time for family?
Q. Both my wife and I are working parents and, like many, we are struggling to keep working, pay the bills and be good parents to our three children (three, six and seven). My business has taken a nose-dive over the past few years and now I have to work longer hours to make the same money. My wife works part-time and is busy minding the kids which is hard work.
My children are fighting all the time
Q. I have two boys. One is 26 months old and the other was four last week, and they seem to be squabbling and fighting all the time. In particular, the older boy seems to resent the younger one and won’t share any of his toys with him. They can’t seem to play together and any time I leave them alone they start to fight.
My 8 year old is very clingy
Q. I’m having a challenging time with my eight-year-old boy primarily related to his obsession with me at the moment – he constantly wants to spend time with me. He can be extremely moody and nasty at times, throwing tantrums, especially if I am not available to him or if I spend time with my two other children (aged four and five).
How to talk to my daughter about her stillborn sister?
Q. Our first daughter was stillborn at full-term and just over a year later our second daughter was born alive and well. She is now two and a half years old. Our first daughter is very much an important part of our lives and we regularly talk about her within the family. We have photos of her around our home and say goodnight to her at bedtime as we try to keep her memory alive. Up until this point we have told our daughter that her big sister is up in the sky playing with the little birdies and this answer has satisfied her thus far.
My daughter wants contact with her father whom she has never met
Q. I’m a single mum of a 13-year-old girl. I have always been very close to her until recently when she has become very moody and secretive. Myself and my mother, who has been very involved in bringing her up, put it down to “hormones” and being a teenager, but recently she has been asking a lot about her father, whom she has never met. To give you the background, I had a brief relationship with her father, who lives in the UK. He was married at the time I got pregnant and never wanted anything to do with me since.
How to explain their father’s alcoholism to teenagers?
Q. My ex-husband had and still has a strong dependence on alcohol. We live separately and generally have a good working relationship. But occasionally the children’s father phones and may be under the influence of drink and says out-of-hand things. How do I help the children (aged 15 and 13) deal with this as the incident may not be acknowledged again yet can upset them, particularly my 15-year-old son, who is striving to have a relationship with his dad?
I yearn for a baby girl in a house full of boys
Q: I have four beautiful children, all boys, aged eight, six, four and 14 months, who are all doing well. I know I should be happy with my lot, but I am constantly obsessing about not having a daughter, which I always hoped for. I became very depressed after the birth of my third boy and I put this down to being disappointed at not having a girl. We went on to have a fourth child and this was down to me pressurising my husband to try again. He was initially dead set against having a fourth, but gave in when he saw how much it meant to me.
Families Coping With Financial Downturn
Anything that does not kill me, makes me stronger – Nietzsche
My teenagers don’t talk to each other
Q: I am a mother of three teenage children – a girl of 14 and two boys age 16 and 19. The problem is there is no communication between them. It is not that there are rows between them, just not much communication. It seems as if they are living their separate lives without talking to one another. This has been going on for a long time – maybe four years or more – and it went unnoticed for quite a while. I can’t identify a particular starting point or cause of the problem.
Should I leave my husband?
Q. I’ve been married for 19 years and over time I have grown apart from my husband to such an extent that now I feel deeply unhappy and want to leave. Though he has been a good father to our three children (14 to 18 years of age) I feel we have nothing in common as a couple and all my happy times are out with my friends and work colleagues. Often I dread coming home to him. We are rarely intimate and, to be honest, I don’t look forward to it. I don’t feel he is a bad man, it is just that we have drifted apart.
We argue about our aggressive five year old
Q. We are having problems with our five-year-old son who can be pretty rough and aggressive with other kids. Last week the teacher called us in saying he was fighting with other children in his class. At home he can be really stubborn and throws tantrums when he does not get his own way and gives my wife a hard time at home especially when I am not there. My wife, who looks after him full-time at home, is really worried about it and thinks that something is wrong and that we should get him assessed professionally. I am not sure about this.
My mother-in-law is very opinionated about my parenting
Q. Would you have any advice in dealing with in-laws? I have a three-year-old and a 13-month-old. The problem is my mother-in-law constantly comes over unannounced and she spends lots of time here. It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t always giving her tuppenceworth in how I rear my kids, particularly on how I manage my three-year-old’s tantrums and whinging. Frequently, she makes really critical comments, such as the other morning when she came over and said, “Are they not dressed yet?” to suggest somehow I was disorganised.
My son doesn’t want to see his dad
Q. I am recently separated from my husband and have been in the family law court five times trying to sort out access arrangements for our six-year-old son. The court granted an interim protection order against his father due to excessive alcohol consumption mixed with antidepressants, and his behaviour was very distressing to both our son and myself. Following a psychologist’s report, he was granted day access with supervised handover and return.
How will 2 year old cope with my overseas job?
Q. I have been offered a role abroad which I am considering taking, but to reduce any upheaval my wife and two-year-old son will remain in Ireland. However, I am concerned as to the effect my removal from my son’s daily life may have and would be grateful if you could let me know what the possible impact of such a move would be on him. I know I will see him every month or so, but I am concerned it may affect him at this early stage of his life.
Can my alcoholic father-in-law be trusted with a new baby?
Q.We are expecting our first child, and as we both work, we have begun discussing the various options available to us for day care. The main issue that has cropped up is how to collect our child from day care around our work schedules. One option is to ask my father-in-law. He is free on weekdays and all too happy to help out. However, he is an alcoholic. He lost his career because of it, and has on numerous occasions let his son down by being drunk.
How do I deal with their mum’s drinking without losing the kids?
Q. You recently wrote about a mother dealing with her ex’s drinking and I wondered how many men are in a similar position. I know I am. Mum drinks at home four or five nights a week, either on her own or with friends. The kids, who are teenagers, are watching this all the time. I protest about it and am told to mind my own business and threatened with separation and/or being thrown out of the house. The kids are now losing patience with it and get very cheeky with their mother when she has had a few drinks.