My preschooler has nightmares and night time tantrums

Parent Question:Our son has just turned four and has, over the last six weeks, stopped using his dummy and moved into his own bed, instead of the cot. However, in the last two weeks he was sick with flu and was having nightmares and so we have been letting him into the bed with us. … Continue reading My preschooler has nightmares and night time tantrums

My 19-year old is depressed and anxious

Parent QuestionI’m looking for advice for my own son who is 19 and in his first year in college. He has been on anti-anxiety medication for 18 months and earlier this year he had a type of breakdown (was suicidal, experienced hallucinations) and the GP put him on medication for depression and anxiety. Over the … Continue reading My 19-year old is depressed and anxious

How can I help my child with rejection sensitivity?

Parent QuestionMy son is 11. He’s autistic and very bright. I’m wondering if you have any advice on helping him with rejection sensitivity. While he doesn’t have a lot of the sensory issues often associated with autism, he is extremely self-conscious, gets very upset by perceived criticism, can’t take correction, and finds it hard if … Continue reading How can I help my child with rejection sensitivity?

My 14 yr old struggles with homework and study. She might have ADHD.

Parent QuestionMy daughter is 14 and in second year in secondary school. She is really struggling with study and homework. She could not get it together to study for the Christmas tests and did not do as well as she wanted. This is despite the fact that she is a bright girl and in primary … Continue reading My 14 yr old struggles with homework and study. She might have ADHD.

Should I go for an ADHD assessment as a parent?

Parent QuestionI am a father to a 10-year-old boy who has been recently diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). He has been struggling in school since day one, so the diagnosis is not a surprise. We had to get our own private assessment with a psychologist as he has been on the waiting list … Continue reading Should I go for an ADHD assessment as a parent?

Is my 11 year old burnt out from school?

Parent Question:My 11-year-old son is in sixth class and hates going to school. He is always reluctant to go in the morning and there is often tears before I finally persuade him out the door. He is also constantly complains of being tired, especially when he comes in from school and he has to lie … Continue reading Is my 11 year old burnt out from school?

At what age should I give my child a mobile phone?

Question:My daughter was 12 last week and she is already starting to pester me about getting a mobile phone. She sees her older sister on her phone all the time and thinks she deserves one. Also, it seems one of her classmates got one over the summer and this has added to the pressure. Her … Continue reading At what age should I give my child a mobile phone?

My teenager’s friends are a bad influence.

Parent Question: My 14-year-old son has fallen in with a bad group of friends and we are worried. He found the transition to secondary school hard. He was isolated and unhappy in first year and Covid made this harder. It took him a long while to find a group of friends who accepted him. Now … Continue reading My teenager’s friends are a bad influence.

My teenage sons do not get on with each other

Parent Question:My husband and I have two teenage boys in secondary school. They are both very polite and kind young men in general company. They have good circles of friends and their teachers seem to like them. The problem is that they refuse to engage with each other with any civility. The older son hates … Continue reading My teenage sons do not get on with each other

My 12 year old has been dropped by her friends

Parent Question:My 12-year-old daughter used to happily belong to a friendship group of five other girls. Over the past few weeks they seem to have dropped her and it is breaking her heart. There is one girl who sees herself as the “leader” who seems to be behind it. My daughter had some sort of … Continue reading My 12 year old has been dropped by her friends

We are separating, how can we help our children cope?

Parent Question: After a long process, my wife and I have decided to separate. We want to do it right for our two children, aged six and eight, and we are working hard to co-parent well. We are trying to have no conflict or arguments (well as little as possible) in front of the children. … Continue reading We are separating, how can we help our children cope?

Emetophobia: How to help my daughter’s phobia of vomiting?

Parent Question: My daughter has a phobia of being sick. It is totally consuming her and our lives. She is such a loving girl, but this is all we talk about as she needs constant reassurance she won’t vomit. Please help. Answer: A fear of getting sick or vomiting, also known as emetophobia, is much … Continue reading Emetophobia: How to help my daughter’s phobia of vomiting?

My son says he hates himself

Parent Question: My little boy, who is six, is an only child. He is very lovable, kind, intelligent, strong-willed, but he tends to lack self-esteem. He tends to self-loathe and often says he hates himself. He doesn’t accept praise without putting his negativity on it. He gets so easily defeated too and says he feels … Continue reading My son says he hates himself

My 5 year old is soiling his pants.

Parent Question: My (almost) five-year-old is very capable and bright. But for 18 months now he frequently finishes the day with a smear of poo in his pants or having wee’d himself. He doesn’t say anything to anyone. And even when he gets that “faraway” look in his eyes that means he is soiling himself. … Continue reading My 5 year old is soiling his pants.

Is my quiet 10 year old girl autistic?

Parent Question:Though she can be chatty with us at home, my 10-year-old daughter has always been very quiet when she is out socially and when she is in school. When she was a preschooler she was diagnosed as selectively mute and we took her to see a speech therapist and a play therapist, both of … Continue reading Is my quiet 10 year old girl autistic?

My son won’t follow rules

Parent Question:My seven-year-old son is very defiant. It is particularly problematic in extracurricular activities. Initially, I thought it was related to physical activities only, which would be understandable as he has a mild physical disability which results in fatigue. However, he is also defiant with his music teacher and won’t follow the basic rules of … Continue reading My son won’t follow rules

My 3 year old is always hitting his brother

Parent Question:My 3½-year-old son is constantly using force or hitting his 1½-year-old brother. Sometimes, I manage to catch before he does it and I am able to stop him. Other times, I turn around and he has just hit him and his brother is screaming. I give out to him and that does not work, … Continue reading My 3 year old is always hitting his brother

My son’s father is not meeting up with him

Parent Question: My son’s father is not spending time with our 11-year-old son regularly. How do I explain this to my son?My ex has a history of multiple mental health issues. When we all lived together my son experienced those periods where depression caused his dad to withdraw. I tried to protect him from the … Continue reading My son’s father is not meeting up with him

My 10 year old girl says she is fat

Parent Question:My 10-year-old girl tells me she thinks she is fat. I try to reassure her and tell her she is lovely as she is, but I think she still ruminates and worries about it. One time she told me that she thinks she needs to go on a diet and I told her not … Continue reading My 10 year old girl says she is fat

How can I help my unhappy 15 year old daughter?

Parent Question: I am struggling with my 15-year-old daughter at the moment. She started dieting last autumn and coming up to Christmas she lost a lot of weight. She was extremely thin, spoke about food all the time, and we were very worried about her. She then fell off that “healthy eating wagon” and went … Continue reading How can I help my unhappy 15 year old daughter?

Young boy hiding behind toilet rolls

My autistic five-year-old won’t use the toilet

Parent Question:My five-year-old son is autistic and started school this year. He has a SNA (special needs assistant) and has settled well in school. He is learning and is happy to go, so we are pleased with this. The problem we have is over toileting — he has never once used a potty or a … Continue reading My autistic five-year-old won’t use the toilet

My five-year-old daughter is too bossy with her friends

Parent Question:My five-year-old daughter can be really bossy with her friends. When they come over on a play date, she tries to organise everything, choose all the games and tell them what to do all the time. I sometimes see the other children bristling in response to her and I am worried that she will … Continue reading My five-year-old daughter is too bossy with her friends

My five-year-old is so negative about everything

Parent Question:My five-year-old boy is so negative about everything and I don’t know how to deal with it. He starts every day with “I hate school”, this continues to hating whatever breakfast is, and then hating walking to school (including the route). He defaults to hating everything. I have banned the word hate in the … Continue reading My five-year-old is so negative about everything

My nine-year-old is mean is moody and mean to her sister

Parent Question: My nine-year-old girl is moody, so much so it affects the balance of our family of six. She is our eldest and I’m always on edge as to what her mood will be. I find as a mother I don’t like her at times. Don’t worry I don’t show this, but I do … Continue reading My nine-year-old is mean is moody and mean to her sister

Should we allow our 17-year-old to drink at home with us?

Parent Question:My 16-year-old son (17 in a few weeks) has been dropping hints he wants to start drinking. My husband and I don’t drink that much at all but when we are having a bottle of wine at the weekend or at family events, he always asks to have glass. We have always adopted the … Continue reading Should we allow our 17-year-old to drink at home with us?

My 12-year-old is finding it hard to sleep

Parent Question:My 12-year-old is finding it hard to sleep at night. This mainly started in the last six months and has got much worse over the summer. He seems to get stressed and worried at bedtime, and can toss and turn and find it hard to sleep. Sometimes we think he has fallen asleep and … Continue reading My 12-year-old is finding it hard to sleep

I think my young teenager is too young to have a boyfriend

Parent Question:My daughter is nearly 14. She has her moments, but she is generally a great teenager (her older brother was much harder work!). She is fairly self-assured, loves sports and doing well at school and is starting her second year in secondary school. She has never really had a best friend, but used to … Continue reading I think my young teenager is too young to have a boyfriend

Our son sees us argue and is upset

Question:We have been happily married for 10 years. We are immigrants in Ireland, and have no family around. We have some family friends (from our community whom we meet and hang out with on weekends) and have three children; the eldest is nine. My husband and I are extremely happy in our marriage. We have … Continue reading Our son sees us argue and is upset

My son is struggling to settle into secondary school

Question:My 12-year-old son has just entered secondary school. Just one boy from his primary school has gone to the same secondary. While he is doing well academically, he is struggling to make friends. In the first weeks a number of the boys in his mixed class were engaging in bullying behaviour as they all clumsily … Continue reading My son is struggling to settle into secondary school

How to handle my three-year-old’s tantrums?

Parent Question:I have a three-year-old and he can throw some wild tantrums when he gets overtired or is frustrated. While I know tantrums are normal for three-year-olds (he is my first), the intensity of his feelings worries me a bit. While he’s at the height of his tantrum, he keeps saying, “I want to stop”. … Continue reading How to handle my three-year-old’s tantrums?

My son never tells me about his day at school.

Parent Question:My six-year-old son never talks about school and I wonder if this is okay. Each day I ask him how was school, and each day he avoids the question and says nothing. If I ask the question a few times, he can get annoyed and once said ‘stop talking’ to me. Should I worry … Continue reading My son never tells me about his day at school.

Is my daughter struggles with friendships, could she be autistic?

Question: My 11-year-old daughter is in fifth class and is struggling to make friends. We found out a group of girls were excluding her. Apparently she was constantly seeking to hang out with them and they gave her the cold shoulder. I was very angry, but you can’t force the girls to include her. The … Continue reading Is my daughter struggles with friendships, could she be autistic?

My eight-year-old daughter has a friendship that can be quite intense

Parent Question:My eight-year-old daughter has a friendship that can be quite intense. She often talks about the other girl getting upset. My daughter feels responsible for her friend and worries that she’ll be in trouble when the other girl gets upset. The upset is happening more and more often. The cause of upset that I … Continue reading My eight-year-old daughter has a friendship that can be quite intense

What can I do while I wait for an autism assessment for my 4 year old?

Parent Question:My son is just four and I am worried he may have autism. He speaks a lot less than when his brother was the same age and spends hours just rolling on the floor with his cars, and his sleeping can be horrendous. When we are out with friends, he clings to us all … Continue reading What can I do while I wait for an autism assessment for my 4 year old?

Should I allow my 13-year-old to post on YouTube?

Parent Question:My 12-year-old son wants to start posting videos on YouTube. He is mad into video games and soccer and watches vlogs and commentaries on YouTube. He would do this all day long if I let him. He is now trying to make his own video clips and says he wants to post them online. … Continue reading Should I allow my 13-year-old to post on YouTube?

My autistic teenager is constantly online

Parent Question:My 14-year-old son, who is autistic, has become really dependent on his phone and computer and is spending nearly the whole day on some sort of device. Over the long summer it was hard to get him to do much else. In the heat of a row, I did remove his phone, and this … Continue reading My autistic teenager is constantly online

My gifted son hates school

Parent Question:My son started sixth class this year and he really hates going to school. He says he “hates” the work and that he is bored. I try to jolly him along and he goes in, but he looks really down in the dumps most days and I worry about him. He started this last … Continue reading My gifted son hates school

Does my daughter have PDA?

Parent Question:My 12-year-old daughter’s opposition and meltdowns is making our family life miserable. She won’t do anything she is told to do. Simple requests, such as coming to the table for dinner, getting dressed, or tidying her room can lead to a full-scale meltdown. We can have big battles to go anywhere as a family … Continue reading Does my daughter have PDA?

My son has ADHD, should I get diagnosed too?

Parent Question:I am a father to a 10-year-old boy who has been recently diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). He has been struggling in school since day one, so the diagnosis is not a surprise. We had to get our own private assessment with a psychologist as he has been on the waiting list … Continue reading My son has ADHD, should I get diagnosed too?

My seven-year-old won’t do what he’s asked

Parent Question:My seven-year-old son is very defiant. It is particularly problematic in extracurricular activities. Initially, I thought it was related to physical activities only, which would be understandable as he has a mild physical disability which results in fatigue. However, he is also defiant with his music teacher and won’t follow the basic rules of … Continue reading My seven-year-old won’t do what he’s asked

My six-year-old says he hates himself

Question: My little boy, who is six, is an only child. He is very lovable, kind, intelligent, strong-willed, but he tends to lack self-esteem. He tends to self-loathe and often says he hates himself. He doesn’t accept praise without putting his negativity on it. He gets so easily defeated too and says he feels sad … Continue reading My six-year-old says he hates himself

My 14yr old is worried about war

Parent Question: My 14-year-old son is really worried that world war three will break out. Since Russia invaded Ukraine he has been anxious. He is not sleeping well as a result and is tired and on edge during the day. I try to reassure him that things won’t go that far, but he argues back … Continue reading My 14yr old is worried about war

Making New Year Resolutions

People often start the new year with high hopes and expectations. January can be marked with a frenzy of new goals, resolutions and promised lifestyle changes. However, research shows that most people fail to keep their resolutions beyond the first few weeks. Despite good intentions many plans quickly fall by the wayside and this can … Continue reading Making New Year Resolutions

Homeschooling: How can I make it work for me and my children?

Q: I have two boys in third and fourth classes and this new phase of homeschooling is not going well. My eldest in particular is struggling with the work the teacher sets and is often upset about it – feeling he can’t do it. The teachers just send out lists of formal school work to be done … Continue reading Homeschooling: How can I make it work for me and my children?

How can I get my teenager to engage in online school?

Q: How can I get my 15-year-old to engage in online schooling? He is stressing about his workand finding it difficult to focus at home. PreCovid, he was a driven and conscientious student who always did well in school. But in this latest lockdown he is struggling and has little interest in schoolwork. He says he … Continue reading How can I get my teenager to engage in online school?

Maintaining family wellbeing during the Covid-19 lockdown

With colleges, schools and childcare centres closed in most areas, the Covid-19 crises has instantly changed the lives of most families worldwide. Pushed tightly back into our family units without much outside contact, relationships have been put under pressure.  Stressed parents struggle to balance working and caring for children all day and bored children have … Continue reading Maintaining family wellbeing during the Covid-19 lockdown

My three-year-old is hitting his brother

QUESTION: In the last couple of months, my three-year-old has begun pushing/shoving/hitting/hurting his one-year-old brother and this behaviour is becoming a habit and appears to be happening more often. I can see the intensity on his face as his lower jaw juts out and he really means to hurt him – it’s not accidental play. … Continue reading My three-year-old is hitting his brother

How do I stop my boy putting his hands down his pants?

QUESTION: My seven-year-old son has got into the habit of putting his hands down his pants and leaving them there. He tends to do it while watching TV and it seems purely a comfort thing. I tell him to stop and he takes his hands away but then a few minutes later he puts them … Continue reading How do I stop my boy putting his hands down his pants?

My 15-year-old son is heartbroken after breaking up with his girlfriend

QUESTION: My son, who will be 16 soon, broke up with his girlfriend four weeks ago. They knew each before and got together at the Gaeltacht in June. To be honest, I was glad when they broke up as it seemed a bit of an intense relationship for him so young (she is the same … Continue reading My 15-year-old son is heartbroken after breaking up with his girlfriend

My 10-year-old is stealing treats and lying about it

QUESTION: I have a 10-year-old girl who has been stealing treats from the treat box and then lying about it when the wrappers are found under her pillow. This is not the first time it has happened and we have discussed how important honesty is for us to trust each other. I think we have two … Continue reading My 10-year-old is stealing treats and lying about it

My seven-year-old gets upset when I scold her

QUESTION: My older daughter is seven. Whenever I give out to her she tends to over-react and get very upset. I might be correcting her over something minor, like not tidying her room but then she starts crying and bursts into tears. The other day she even wrote me a note saying sorry and how … Continue reading My seven-year-old gets upset when I scold her

Tips for Making New Year Resolutions

The New Year is definitely perceived as a time of new beginnings and resolutions. After the excess of Christmas many people try to start afresh in the new year with plans to be more healthy, to do things different or to tackle the a task that has been put on the long finger for months. … Continue reading Tips for Making New Year Resolutions

My six-year-old’s bedwetting is damaging his self-esteem

QUESTION: I have a bit of a problem with my six-year-old son. He is the youngest of three, a well able and very talented little chap, although he thinks he is terrible at everything. I think the underlying problem is his bedwetting. He has never gotten control of it. The bed is wet pretty much … Continue reading My six-year-old’s bedwetting is damaging his self-esteem

How can I help my daughter not to join in with bullying a classmate?

PARENT QUESTION: How do I set my eight-year-old daughter up so she’s not part of a group of girls who are excluding one girl in the class? The context is that the “one girl” has said unkind things to others. Now a group of five or six of the girls are being unkind back to … Continue reading How can I help my daughter not to join in with bullying a classmate?

‘Pressure Points’ Part 1: Being Protective V Being Permissive

This is part 1 of a six-part series of articles that describes evidence-based and practical parenting principles on how to positively influence your children and help them grow up into responsible adults. Children and young people are under increased pressures to become involved in risky and harmful activities such as smoking, drinking, drug taking as … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 1: Being Protective V Being Permissive

‘Pressure Points’ Part 6: Building your child’s resilience

Over the last five articles in my “Pressure Points” series I have explored what parents can do to empower their children to make responsible choices around risky behaviours such smoking, drinking, sex and the dangers on the Internet. In this last article, I explore how parents can build resilience in their children so they have … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 6: Building your child’s resilience

‘Pressure Points’ Part 5: How to help your child avoid ‘falling in with the wrong crowd’

As children grow older, a big worry for parents is that their children might “fall in with the wrong crowd” or be part of a negative or irresponsible peer group. You might have a child who is already “easily led” or who has a tendency to be “impulsive” and you know that with the influence … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 5: How to help your child avoid ‘falling in with the wrong crowd’

‘Pressure Points’ Part 4: Making rules and building responsibility

In recent times we have read about the problems of being a “helicopter parent” who “hovers” over children becoming over-involved, deciding too much for children and not giving them the freedom to learn from their own mistakes. However, equally problematic is “over-permissive” or “disengaged” parenting, when anything goes and children are given too much freedom … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 4: Making rules and building responsibility

‘Pressure Points’ Part 3: Talking to your children about dangers

When thinking of all the dangers that confront our children (such as alcohol, drugs, the internet, etc), it can be hard to know how and when to discuss these risks with them. Certainly, it is easy as parents to put these conversations on the long finger and to even avoid them altogether. Some parents feel … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 3: Talking to your children about dangers

‘Pressure Points’ Part 2: Five ways to connect with your children

Having a warm connected relationship with your children is definitely one of the most enjoyable aspects of parenting. Doing fun activities together, sharing experiences and having good conversations all make for creating deeply satisfying relationships between parents and children. Such connected relationships have enormous benefits for children, in terms of building their self-esteem and confidence … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 2: Five ways to connect with your children

‘Pressure Points’ 6-part series: How to help your children make good choices

Children and young people are under increased pressures to become involved in risky and harmful activities such as smoking, drinking, drug taking as well as new internet-related problems such as sexting, pornography or online bullying. Parents are right to be concerned and they have a key role in keeping their children and teenagers safe and … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ 6-part series: How to help your children make good choices

My daughter has a terror of vomiting

QUESTION: My nine-year-old daughter has always had a fear of vomit. She was triggered recently by a girl vomiting in her class. The next morning she wanted me to bring her brother to school first. She felt sick and was terrified she was going to vomit. She had what looked similar to a panic attack. … Continue reading My daughter has a terror of vomiting

My nine-year-old constantly looks for reassurance that we love him

QUESTION: We a have a delightful nine-year-old boy and he’s our only child. He is extremely sensitive to everything all around him. For example, if someone is upset at home he gets upset also and he can easily be affected and worry about this. He asks multiple times a day if we love him and … Continue reading My nine-year-old constantly looks for reassurance that we love him

My nine year old still wets the bed

QUESTION: I’m at my wit’s end about my son who has just turned nine and wets his bed. We have tried everything and are now using a bed-wetting alarm, which my child sleeps through. When we are woken by the alarm and take him out of the bed he has no memory of it,even though we … Continue reading My nine year old still wets the bed

Has my shouting damaged my children?

QUESTION I have always been a bit short-tempered and this has transferred over to my parenting. I can easily get wound up by my children, who are aged five and six, and I end up shouting at them. Last year was particularly stressful due to work and family issues and I was probably caught in … Continue reading Has my shouting damaged my children?

Healthy Families Series Part 5: Getting Enough Sleep and Rest

Family stress and poor sleeping patterns are associated with many problems: obesity, physical illness, poor performance in school and increased behavioural problems. While the exact reasons for this are not clear, it makes sense that a child or parent who is chronically tired or stressed is less likely to have the energy to exercise and … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 5: Getting Enough Sleep and Rest

Healthy Families Series Part 6: Nurturing Family Relationships

Over the last five weeks of this series we have looked at the habits of healthy and happy families, and now we conclude with the most important habit of all: taking time to nurture our family relationships. The closer we are to the people we love, the more happy we feel and the greater our … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 6: Nurturing Family Relationships

Healthy Families Series Part 4: Managing Screens and Technology at Home

In the past 20 years the use of technology has invaded family life. Whereas previously there was only the TV to contend with, now we have the internet, video games and smart phones all interrupting family life. When I first started clinical work with families, the number one battle for parents was to get their … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 4: Managing Screens and Technology at Home

Healthy Families Series Part 2: Replacing Bad Habits with Good Ones

Essentially, an unhealthy lifestyle is down to a set of poor habits. We become accustomed to repeated daily patterns of behaviour and lose sight of the quality of the lifestyle we are living. Whether this is the habit of putting sugar in our coffee or always eating a chocolate bar after lunch or driving rather … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 2: Replacing Bad Habits with Good Ones

Healthy Families Series Part 3: Enjoying Mealtimes Together

People are spending less time preparing food and less time eating together with loved ones in their family. Frequently, parents are eating at different times to their children, or mealtimes are rushed or eaten in front of a screen. It is not uncommon now to see whole families eating in silence together in restaurants as … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 3: Enjoying Mealtimes Together

Healthy Families Series Part 1: Bringing Up Happy, Healthy Children

Despite more widespread access to health information than ever before, our nation’s health is much poorer than a generation ago. Children and adults live increasingly sedentary lifestyles, dominated by screens and disconnected from the outdoors and the natural world. Our collective diet has deteriorated drastically. We are home-cooking less, eating fewer vegetables and consuming much … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 1: Bringing Up Happy, Healthy Children

My 16-year-old is self-harming

Q. I have just discovered that my 16-year-old daughter has been harming herself by cutting her arms. I had noticed some marks, which she tried to explain away before finally admitting it. She says she does not know why she does it but that she just gets so frustrated about things. My husband and I are very upset about it as we did not know anything was wrong.

How can I stick to the rules with my teenager?

Q: One of the difficulties I have with my 14-year-old daughter is sticking to what I say. For example, my daughter did something that I was clear about her not being allowed to do. So I told her she was grounded for the week. After two days of being grounded she said she was sorry and learned her lesson (there just happened to be a party she wanted to go to the next day). She then went on to explain why I should allow her to get off being grounded – and, to tell the truth, it was really logical. So after an internal struggle I said okay.

Sensitive son starting secondary school

QUESTION I’m the parent of a very shy and sensitive boy who is due to start secondary school in September. I’m quite worried about how he will cope with the transition. He has gone to a small local primary school and has had great teachers. Now he will have to travel a bit to the … Continue reading Sensitive son starting secondary school

How do I tell my son that Grandad is dying?

QUESTION My father is very sick in hospital, battling a long illness with cancer and we’ve recently been told it is terminal. My son is very close to his grandfather and I don’t know how to explain his illness to him. He’s seven now and knows Grandad is very sick but how do I explain … Continue reading How do I tell my son that Grandad is dying?

Building Self-Esteem in Children

Read John Sharry’s six-part series, originally published in The Irish Times on how you can help promote positive self-esteem, confidence and emotional wellbeing in children and teenagers. Click on the links below to read each article: Part 1: Building your child’s self-esteem Part 2: Love your children uniquely, not just equally Part 3: Helping your … Continue reading Building Self-Esteem in Children

My 16-year-old is obsessed with make-up

QUESTION: About a year ago, my then 15-year-old daughter started to wear make-up. As her dad, I didn’t pay much attention to this, though I never really approve of young teenagers wearing make-up. Now at 16, she has become obsessed with make-up and will not leave the house without having some on. I’m not talking … Continue reading My 16-year-old is obsessed with make-up

My daughter hates secondary school

QUESTION Our 13-year-old daughter hates school. She is not able to give me a specific reason, just that she hates every minute of the day. She has a sad face going out every morning and a sadder one coming back in the afternoon. This can swiftly turn to anger depending on which way one might … Continue reading My daughter hates secondary school

My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend

QUESTION My 26-year-old son’s behaviour towards his girlfriend has been giving me cause for concern for some time. They have been together since they were in their early teens and are planning to move in together this summer. The problem is that, on occasion, he shows very little respect for her. I find it both … Continue reading My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend

My daughter is struggling with friendships

QUESTION My 10-year-old daughter is having trouble with some friends in school. It centres on her relationship with one girl who she expects to be a much closer friend than she actually is (this girl has lots of other friends and does not want to see my daughter as much as my daughter wants to … Continue reading My daughter is struggling with friendships

How can we manage tantrums?

QUESTION Our issues are with our three-year-old son who has been waking one to two times most nights. It started about a year and a half ago and it has now progressed to full-blown screaming with demands that we go into him. We would wait to see if it stopped but he is so determined … Continue reading How can we manage tantrums?

My son will not eat food unless mashed

QUESTION I have a three-year-old son who refuses to eat any meal put in front of him unless it’s a snack or has been fully mashed. If we do manage to get a morsel into him, he can hold it in his mouth for more than an hour rather than swallowing it. He attends a … Continue reading My son will not eat food unless mashed

My son is always left on the sidelines at matches

QUESTION My son is under 12 and turns up for GAA training. He is often left on the sidelines, but as the ages get higher, it has got worse. Now they are bringing under-11s up to play matches while he stands around in the cold. I am sure it’s not the first time you have … Continue reading My son is always left on the sidelines at matches

Our five-year-old has started acting babyish

QUESTION My five-year-old daughter has become really babyish and is pretending to be much younger than she is. She has always been quite an advanced child who learned things quickly, such as dressing herself. But recently she has been refusing to do this and wants me to help her. She pretends she can’t put on … Continue reading Our five-year-old has started acting babyish

‘My 10-year-old son is the class clown and always in trouble’

QUESTION I am concerned about my 10-year-old son who can be really immature sometimes and is always acting the class clown. He loves to make everyone laugh but I feel that he cannot recognise the difference between people laughing at him or laughing with him. He is the one who acts out and gets into … Continue reading ‘My 10-year-old son is the class clown and always in trouble’

My seven-year-old son struggles to go to sleep

QUESTION My seven-year-old son really struggles to go to sleep at night. His bedtime routine starts at 7.30pm – he has a bath, a small glass of milk and a bedtime story. He might read for a bit but he keeps finding excuses to come downstairs and he starts playing with anything he can find … Continue reading My seven-year-old son struggles to go to sleep

My son was bullied for a year before we knew

QUESTION Our 11-year-old son was bullied in school for over a year and it has affected him badly. Unfortunately, he was too scared to tell us but we found out eventually from his school. The bullying happened when my son was in fourth class. The other child was older, in sixth class, and is no … Continue reading My son was bullied for a year before we knew

How can I manage my little boy’s aggression and meltdowns?

QUESTION I am losing faith in my ability to parent our son constructively; he is almost four. He has become increasingly aggressive with me and has begun to lash out physically when reprimanded or told “No”. I am trying to follow the positive parenting paradigm and trying to use positive language, even in adversity. I … Continue reading How can I manage my little boy’s aggression and meltdowns?

My daughter worries about ‘bad’ things she has done

QUESTION Our eight-year-old constantly brings up “bad” things she has done in the past which she is worried about or which she feels guilty about. They are relatively minor things, such as a time when she did not share with a friend or when she was naughty in school. Some happened a long time ago … Continue reading My daughter worries about ‘bad’ things she has done

My son (10) is still mourning his grandad, four years on.

QUESTION My son is 10 years-old. His grandfather died four years ago after a two-year battle with cancer, when my son was six. There was a warm special bond between the two and he was understandably upset. However, even now, over four years on my son still seems to be grieving. He gets visibly upset … Continue reading My son (10) is still mourning his grandad, four years on.

My 3 year old’s tantrums are embarrassing

QUESTION My three-year-old son can have these big meltdowns and the slightest thing can spark him off. I can just about manage them at home, but they are really difficult when we are out. He has now had a few when I collect him from preschool. One time he lay on the ground and would … Continue reading My 3 year old’s tantrums are embarrassing

How best to help my granddaughter with Selective Mutism?

QUESTION Arising from your recent article, I would like your advice on how to manage our granddaughter. She was very vocal with us until the age of four, albeit she was shy with other adults. She is now six and talks to her parents and her young friends but she has been muting with us … Continue reading How best to help my granddaughter with Selective Mutism?

My five-year-old has selective mutism

QUESTION My daughter is almost five years old and has gone through a year of playschool without speaking a word to the teacher or children there. She speaks freely at home but does not speak to extended family or anyone else. But she will speak to me, my husband and her brothers anywhere. She is … Continue reading My five-year-old has selective mutism

My teenager is getting in trouble and I can’t get through to him

QUESTION I am the mum of four children ranging in age from nine to 18. I have taken the same approach to parenting all of them and feel that it is working for me most of the time. However, I am finding it impossible to get through to my 14-year-old son. He is a very … Continue reading My teenager is getting in trouble and I can’t get through to him

My 8-year-old can be quite judgmental of other children

QUESTION Have you any tips on how to deal with a child who sticks very much to the rules and can be quite judgmental? My daughter is eight years old and, at times, can judge others in a negative way. She doesn’t always say something negative but she has a “look” that other children definitely … Continue reading My 8-year-old can be quite judgmental of other children

Toilet training our two-year-old is a bit of a strain

QUESTION I was wondering if you have any advice or can point me in the direction of help as I am struggling with toilet training my little girl, who is two years and 10 months old. We had a failed attempt in August and decided we wouldn’t try again until she was ready. Last week … Continue reading Toilet training our two-year-old is a bit of a strain

Is my son’s imaginary friend a problem?

QUESTION My five-year-old son is an only child. Since he was about 3½ years old, he has had imaginary friends. He goes through different phases and different friends. Sometimes he would have animal friends similar to his soft toys and recently he has had an imaginary friend called “Jack” who he imagines to be a … Continue reading Is my son’s imaginary friend a problem?

My five-year-old son ‘holds on’ to his wee and poo

QUESTION My son, who is just five, has been having major problems going to the toilet and in particular “holding on” to his number ones and number twos so much so that I feel it is having a major impact on his life and wellbeing. There is nothing medically wrong with him, in that once … Continue reading My five-year-old son ‘holds on’ to his wee and poo

Our daughter is struggling since the death of a classmate

QUESTION Six months ago my daughter, who has just turned 16, had to cope with the death of a girl in her class who died after a short battle with a serious illness. Our daughter was not particularly close to the girl but, as you can imagine, she was still very upset as were the … Continue reading Our daughter is struggling since the death of a classmate

My 11-year-old daughter is struggling with friends

QUESTION My daughter is 11 and going into 6th class this September, but she is having a difficult summer. She has always found it hard to make many friends as she can be quite shy and not forward in groups. This means she can be left out of some of the invitation lists for parties … Continue reading My 11-year-old daughter is struggling with friends

Tourette’s Syndrome: Help me help my son

QUESTION I hope you can help me with my son who has tics and Tourette’s syndrome. His tics wax and wane constantly. Some are ones only we as parents would notice; others are sporadic, sudden and obvious. He has adapted well and, luckily, he gets the verbal tics for only a few weeks every three … Continue reading Tourette’s Syndrome: Help me help my son

Should I listen to my friend’s advice on my baby’s sleep habits?

QUESTION We have a seven-month-old son who is very placid and content. He was breastfed exclusively up until we started introducing solids at 5½ months and two weeks ago, we started introducing formula feeds and weaning him off the breast. All of this is going very well. Our concern arises over his sleep routine and, … Continue reading Should I listen to my friend’s advice on my baby’s sleep habits?

My six-year-old son is very negative and often in a bad mood

QUESTION My son, who just turned six over Christmas, can be very negative and grumpy. He whines all the time when he doesn’t want to do things. Even when we take him swimming, he can whine and moan and say he does not want to go – despite the fact he always enjoys it when … Continue reading My six-year-old son is very negative and often in a bad mood

Competition and rewards in the classroom

QUESTION I have heard you speak about the dangers of encouraging overcompetitiveness in young children. My question is how to deal with the situation in a school where my six-year-old, along with the boys at the same table, compete for “An Bord is Fearr”, which means that the “best” table each week gets a prize … Continue reading Competition and rewards in the classroom

How can I help my daughter knuckle down to study?

QUESTION My daughter has just started the senior cycle but is finding it hard to knuckle down and do some work. She had a great transition year full of good experiences and was off at the Gaeltacht for a lot of the summer and now she seems to be completely out of the rhythm of … Continue reading How can I help my daughter knuckle down to study?

I dread going back to work and leaving my baby

QUESTION I am the mother of a gorgeous eight-month-old boy and am due to go back to work at the end of January. I am totally confused about whether to take extra parental leave. On the one hand, although it has been hard, overall I have really loved being at home with my son. The … Continue reading I dread going back to work and leaving my baby

Our teenager seems down in the dumps and withdrawn

QUESTION My 15-year-old daughter seems to be unhappy all the time, and my wife and I are worried about her. She seems down in the dumps and spends a lot of her time just moping around the house. This is something that has been slowly building over the past 12 months or so. She seems … Continue reading Our teenager seems down in the dumps and withdrawn

Encopresis/Soiling: My grandson soils his underpants several times a day

QUESTION I am writing to you about my five- year-old grandson. For the past year he has been defecating in his underpants several times a day. He is the eldest of two children and my daughter is expecting another baby in April. My daughter is a psychotherapist and took him to see a psychologist last … Continue reading Encopresis/Soiling: My grandson soils his underpants several times a day

How can I bond with my son? We are always fighting.

QUESTION I seem to be fighting constantly with my four-year-old son. He is demanding and whingy, and I end up shouting all the time. I know a lot of it is my fault, because I don’t think I really bonded with him. I was depressed when he was born and then again two years later … Continue reading How can I bond with my son? We are always fighting.

How can I help my younger daughter move out of her big sister’s shadow?

QUESTION My three-year-old daughter lives in the shadow of her six-year-old sister. In some ways it is very cute – she follows her around all the time and looks up to her – but sometimes I think it is too much. She can be very passive and just lets her sister get her own way … Continue reading How can I help my younger daughter move out of her big sister’s shadow?

My 13-year-old son is addicted to online gaming

QUESTION My son, who is 13, is completely addicted to technology, particularly online gaming which he would happily spend the entire day on if he was allowed. It has got to the point where he barely engages in family life and is doing the minimum of homework. We are fighting all the time about it. … Continue reading My 13-year-old son is addicted to online gaming

Should I allow my 11-year-old have a smartphone?

QUESTION My 11-year-old daughter is pushing to have her own smartphone to play games and to email her friends. I have resisted so far because, to be honest, I feel a bit at sea over the whole technology issue. I am worried about what she might be exposed to. The other day, she was looking … Continue reading Should I allow my 11-year-old have a smartphone?

How to talk to children about terrorism and murder?

QUESTION We have three children aged four, six and eight, and we are worried about the impact of all the bad news on TV on them, particularly the eldest. With the recent terrorist attacks and gangland killings, there has been a lot of bad news recently. We try to protect the children from it by … Continue reading How to talk to children about terrorism and murder?

‘How can we conquer the homework battle?’

QUESTION Since my son moved into fourth class, things have become really difficult at home. He is getting a lot more homework this year and it has become a real battle to get him to do it. He is in bad form the minute he comes out of school as he knows he has to … Continue reading ‘How can we conquer the homework battle?’

Helping a perfectionist child

QUESTION My seven-year-old son can be really self-critical. When he can’t do something, he sometimes has a meltdown and starts saying that he is stupid or that he can do nothing or even that he hates himself. It is a bit shocking to hear him speak like this. I, of course, counteract this, saying that … Continue reading Helping a perfectionist child

I can’t love anyone, not even my baby

QUESTION I have just become a father and am finding it hard to feel much for my four-month-old daughter. I am very fond of her, but I don’t feel anything profound towards her. I feel pretty bad about it all and very guilty. Basically, I don’t think I can form emotional attachments. I’ve tried to … Continue reading I can’t love anyone, not even my baby

My daughter is making strange with her dad

QUESTION My one-year-old daughter has spent the past six months without her father because he has had to work away. He has recently returned home and our daughter is very nervous around him. As you can imagine, she is very attached to me but with my husband coming home this attachment has increased to the … Continue reading My daughter is making strange with her dad

How should I explain my brother’s suicide to my son?

QUESTION: My brother took his life nine years ago. We were all devastated and, as a family, still find it hard to talk about it. At the time I did not tell my four-year-old son how his uncle had died, because I thought he was too young to know about suicide. He saw the whole … Continue reading How should I explain my brother’s suicide to my son?

I’m a new mum, my family are bombarding me with advice!

QUESTION: I’m a mother for the first time, to a beautiful daughter who is now six months old. My problem is that I’m being constantly bombarded by advice from my family. My mother and father, my husband’s mother, and my sisters all pitch in with advice about how to raise my daughter. It’s driving me crazy, as … Continue reading I’m a new mum, my family are bombarding me with advice!

How do i deal with mum’s drinking without losing the kids?

Q. You recently wrote about a mother dealing with her ex’s drinking and I wondered how many men are in a similar position. I know I am. Mum drinks at home four or five nights a week, either on her own or with friends. The kids, who are teenagers, are watching this all the time. I protest about it and am told to mind my own business and threatened with separation and/or being thrown out of the house. The kids are now losing patience with it and get very cheeky with their mother when she has had a few drinks.

‘Would a dog help my daughter’s selective mutism?’

QUESTION My little girl is seven with selective mutism. She is doing great in school and is starting to talk more often, but outside school she is not doing too good. She goes to lots of different activities, such as GAA, swimming, playing the tin whistle, and girl guides. However, she communicates very little when … Continue reading ‘Would a dog help my daughter’s selective mutism?’

Building your Child’s Self-Esteem

“Try not to become a person of success but rather a person of value.” Albert Einstein Parents frequently worry that their children have low confidence or feel self-critical or negative about themselves. Sometimes their concerns are localised to a particular area, such as a child being shy or having trouble making friends or feeling disconnected … Continue reading Building your Child’s Self-Esteem

How to talk to children about bad news stories

QUESTION: We have three children aged four, six and eight, and we are worried about the impact of all the bad news on TV on them, particularly the eldest. With terrorist attacks and gangland killings, there has been a lot of bad news recently. We try to protect the children from it by turning off the … Continue reading How to talk to children about bad news stories

Coping with Social Anxiety

QUESTION I am the mother of a 16-year-old boy who needs help dealing with situations where he feels uncomfortable. For example, when he meets new people he will not make eye contact, he shifts nervously and drops his head and shoulders. He avoids situations in which he has to talk to people he doesn’t know, and … Continue reading Coping with Social Anxiety

Our grown-up daughter is making us miserable

QUESTION: We need help in dealing with our 20-year-old daughter who is still very rebellious at home. She is in full-time education and we can’t afford to pay for her to live out of home. She can be disrespectful and moody and takes no part in family life (we have two younger children) and treats the … Continue reading Our grown-up daughter is making us miserable

Fear of Mr. Tayto and Santa

QUESTION: My three-year-old son becomes very frightened of big-headed characters such as Mickey Mouse or even Santa, who he would not approach last year. This can lead to him throwing big meltdowns, and we are not sure how to respond. A few weeks ago we were at Tayto Park and he went ballistic at the sight … Continue reading Fear of Mr. Tayto and Santa

I feel guilty about shouting at my children

Q. If you have shouted or behaved badly with your children in the past, does this cause any long-term damage or is it possible to undo this negative experience with increased positive experiences? In the past I was very stressed as a parent, and though I never hit them, I used to get into constant rows with my children, especially my older son (now 16). In recent times, I have tried to be a bit more positive, which I do find works a lot better. However, I now find myself feeling really guilty about the way I behaved.

My daughter is upset about her father getting married

QUESTION I have one little girl who is seven years old. I separated from her father three years ago. It was acrimonious at the time but we are now getting on and he sees her twice a week with at least one overnight. He recently announced that he is getting married and my little girl … Continue reading My daughter is upset about her father getting married

Our toddler wakes three times a night

QUESTION: Our son, who turns three next week, has never been a great night-time sleeper. He has always been prone to waking at least once or even twice throughout the night. He sleeps in his own room and is in his own bed, close to our bedroom. The problem now is that he is waking up … Continue reading Our toddler wakes three times a night

Fear of dogs

QUESTION: My nine-year-old girl is generally a happy child, though sometimes prone to being a little anxious and shy. She has always been a bit nervous of dogs; I think it started years ago when a friendly dog jumped up and licked her. We thought she would grow out of it but, if anything, it has … Continue reading Fear of dogs

How do I explain my wife’s depression to the children?

Q. My wife has always suffered on and off from depression. This would often get worse when our children were born ( two boys and a girl, aged 8,6 and 5) but in recent years she has been coping well. We have supportive extended family on both sides and she works part-time. She has been on medication for the last six years and this has seemed to help her and she has been the full -time carer of the children in the home.

Bedtime is chaos, should I stagger bedtime for my three children?

QUESTION: Bedtime can be chaos in my home with my three children who are four, six and seven. They all become giddy and spark off each other, going into each other’s beds and rooms and it can be exhausting getting them all settled. Should I try to stagger their bedtimes? When I tried to do … Continue reading Bedtime is chaos, should I stagger bedtime for my three children?

Our nine year old worries that we will divorce (even though we are happily married).

QUESTION: My nine-year-old daughter is extremely anxious. Despite me and her dad talking to her and reassuring her, she still seems to be very worried. Her main issue is that her dad and I will split up and remarry, despite being happily married to each other. We try not to argue in front of our … Continue reading Our nine year old worries that we will divorce (even though we are happily married).

My five year old girl won’t sleep in her own bed

QUESTION Since Christmas, I have had a problem getting my five-year- old daughter to stay in her own bed and sleep through the night. At Christmas she went from her normal 8pm bedtime to 9pm, andsometimes 9.30pm, because she was on holidays from school. Big mistake. Now she wants to stay in our bed and … Continue reading My five year old girl won’t sleep in her own bed

My nine year old is anxious and a big worrier. How can I help her?

QUESTION I have a nine-year-old daughter who is a gentle, empathic child but can be a real worrier. She gets herself into a state over just about everything. With the recent bad weather she was worried that we were going to have a flood or that something was going to be blown off the house … Continue reading My nine year old is anxious and a big worrier. How can I help her?

My 12 year old won’t get up for school

QUESTION I have a 12-year-old boy who just won’t get up for school. He doesn’t appear to have issues with school, seems to be doing well once he gets there, has lots of friends and so on. The problem is the battle in the morning to get him up. We try to have him in bed … Continue reading My 12 year old won’t get up for school

Is Dad coming to my First Communion?

Q: My daughter is making her First Communion this year. She is an only child and I separated from her father shortly after she was born. Unfortunately, he has had only intermittent involvement in her life. He worked abroad for the first few years, and I have brought her up largely alone, with a lot of … Continue reading Is Dad coming to my First Communion?

My 14 year old won’t switch off technology at night.

QUESTION: My 14-year-old son is a poor sleeper, which has implications for him getting up in the mornings. He has got into bad habits and has a TV in his room. He says watching TV in his room helps him relax before sleep, though I am not sure. He is also on his tablet all the … Continue reading My 14 year old won’t switch off technology at night.

With a family history of anxiety and depression, I worry about my 4 year old

Q: I am writing to you in connection with my 4½ year old daughter. She is a lovely, caring, intelligent girl who is also great fun. However, I am worried about her. She has recently become very sensitive and can seem down in herself. For example, she often makes genuinely funny jokes and clever observations. If … Continue reading With a family history of anxiety and depression, I worry about my 4 year old

My nine year old is very anxious

QUESTION I believe my nine-year-old son suffers with anxiety problems. From time to time he gets so upset and tearful that he gets a pain in his tummy and clings to me or his mother, not wanting us to leave him. No amount of coaxing can get him to tell me what is wrong. I have … Continue reading My nine year old is very anxious

School refusal: My daughter panics at the thought of school

QUESTION My daughter, who is 13, is having terrible trouble getting to school. She is in first year of secondary school and wakes up each morning full of anxiety, and making as many excuses as she can about going. I can’t pinpoint anything in particular that is causing her to be worried, other than that … Continue reading School refusal: My daughter panics at the thought of school

My 5 year old daughter gets her little brother in trouble

QUESTION Our five-year-old daughter has recently started trying to get our two-year-old son in trouble, or even injured. The most recent incident involved her telling him to jump off the top bunk in her room. When I asked her what she thought would happen if he had jumped, she said that she thought he would break … Continue reading My 5 year old daughter gets her little brother in trouble

Exam stress is overwhelming my anxious son

QUESTION My 15-year-old son is very anxious about his Junior Cert. It has got to the point where he is nearly having panic attacks at the thought of the exams. He has always been a bit of a perfectionist and an anxious child, but this is the worst I have seen him. How can I … Continue reading Exam stress is overwhelming my anxious son

My 3 year old is cheeky and won’t take correction

QUESTION: I have a beautiful, lively and very articulate three-year-old girl. She can be very whingey and now this is escalating into cheeky behaviour. A typical scenario is that we are playing a game or completing a task together and, for no evident reason, she takes great exception to something. She whinges, “Maammyy . . … Continue reading My 3 year old is cheeky and won’t take correction

Going potty with toilet-training stress

Q: I have a problem with potty training that has left me completely stressed out. I have tried many other channels for help but, sadly, there does not seem to be anyone who can give me guidance on this. My daughter is 31 months old and we have been potty training her for three months. She … Continue reading Going potty with toilet-training stress

Weaning and working: how do I wind down breastfeeding?

QUESTION I am wondering when and how I should start to wean my five-month-old son. I have been breastfeeding him from birth and this has all gone well but I am due to go back to work part-time in three months and need to get him ready for this. I’m not sure whether to stop … Continue reading Weaning and working: how do I wind down breastfeeding?

How do we tell our children their dad is terminally ill?

QUESTION: We have two children – a boy of 11 and a girl of 14 – and we have just learned that their dad is terminally ill with cancer. My husband has been given about 12 months to live. We are both in shock but trying to think about what is best for our children. How … Continue reading How do we tell our children their dad is terminally ill?

My 10 year old is shy and finds it hard to make friends

QUESTION: My 10-year-old daughter is in fourth class. She has always been shy, particularly when she meets new people, but recently this seems to have got a lot worse. In her all-girls school, one girl she was particularly friendly with has joined another group of friends in the class and my daughter feels a little lost. … Continue reading My 10 year old is shy and finds it hard to make friends

Anxiety in Pregnancy: I worry that I won’t be a good mother

QUESTION: I am expecting my first child in three months and my partner and I are over the moon. We had a few problems conceiving and were overjoyed when it finally happened. However, in recent months I find myself growing increasingly anxious about becoming a mother and I have even woken up at night worrying about … Continue reading Anxiety in Pregnancy: I worry that I won’t be a good mother

Our baby won’t settle if his dad puts him to bed

Q: I have a baby son who is 11 months old. He can be very clingy with me and reject his dad, especially when he is going to sleep at night. He always insists that I put him to bed and if his father tries to do this, he screams and shouts until I come up … Continue reading Our baby won’t settle if his dad puts him to bed

My seven month old will only go back to sleep if I feed him

Q: My seven-month-old son has started to wake a few times a night and I am exhausted. He used to be a relatively good sleeper and for about a month he slept through the night. Then he got sick and we were comforting him at night; now he continues to wake. The only thing that helps him … Continue reading My seven month old will only go back to sleep if I feed him

My fussy eaters are wearing me down

QUESTION:  My children are six and eight and they don’t eat. They look healthy, they grow and, thankfully, they are happy, but yet they do not eat. I did it all right when they were babies – introduced the tastes, whizzed up the spinach and all the rest – but they both started to turn their … Continue reading My fussy eaters are wearing me down

Bad behaviour: Our girl is a street angel and a house devil

QUESTION:  My 12-year-old daughter is making all our lives hell at home. She has always been fiery and prone to dramatic meltdowns and flying off the handle. But it has become much worse this year since she started secondary school. The funny thing is that outside the home she is sweetness and light. Her last … Continue reading Bad behaviour: Our girl is a street angel and a house devil

My teenager wants to be vegetarian but i’m doing all the cooking!

Q: For a couple of years, my daughter, who is nearly 15, has been saying she wants to be a vegetarian. She has always been an animal-lover and has recently become vocal about the way animals are treated in the food industry. She was really put off meat after one of her school projects. Although we initially … Continue reading My teenager wants to be vegetarian but i’m doing all the cooking!

My 11 year is unhappy about my new relationship

Q: I’m the father of an 11-year-old girl. My wife died almost two years ago. I have recently started a new relationship with someone familar to my daughter (she has taken her shopping, babysat for her and so on before the relationship started), and my daughter is fond of her but since the start of … Continue reading My 11 year is unhappy about my new relationship

Morning meltdowns: mine and the children’s

QUESTION Since the children started back to school, it has been really stressful in the house. We have three children, who are six, eight and 10, and I’m caught in an endless cycle of rushing to get them into school and then rushing to afterschool activities and pressured homework routines. I find myself losing my temper … Continue reading Morning meltdowns: mine and the children’s

My violent ex-husband is seeking contact with our son

Q: I left a very unhappy marriage just under a year ago. My husband is a drinker and he can be aggressive and violent. I left with my son, who is now five, after an episode of violence that my son witnessed, and went to live with my mother. His father has not been in touch much … Continue reading My violent ex-husband is seeking contact with our son

Talking about a tragedy

The tragic death of 9-year-old twins Patrick and Tom O’Driscoll in Cork and their older brother Jonathan, is one of the most disturbing and heart-breaking news stories to read as a parent. We struggle to comprehend what circumstances might have led to such a tragic event and what could have been the state of mind … Continue reading Talking about a tragedy

My junior infant doesn’t want to go back to school

QUESTION My son started in junior infants last week. As he is our eldest we were all a bit nervous, but it seemed to go fine. We had prepared him well and he seemed very positive about it. However, yesterday he announced that he did not want to go back to school. He told me … Continue reading My junior infant doesn’t want to go back to school

My ex-wife is aggressive and I’m worried about my daughter

Q: I split up with my wife just over a year ago. Despite having lasted 10 years, it had been a very unhappy marriage. My wife constantly belittled me, and could be very aggressive and volatile towards me. Things went badly wrong after my daughter, who is now six, was born. My wife found parenting hard, and … Continue reading My ex-wife is aggressive and I’m worried about my daughter

I want to toilet train my 3 year old ahead of preschool

Q: Our daughter, who turns three in October, is starting Montessori this autumn and needs to be toilet trained before she goes. She is a bright girl and we thought that we could manage the toilet training, as we did with her older brother. When we tried in early June, however, we found that she totally … Continue reading I want to toilet train my 3 year old ahead of preschool

How can I rebuild bonds with my 14 month old?

Q: I separated from my wife two years ago when my daughter was 14 months old. It was a difficult time, with a lot of conflict with my wife, and I did not see my daughter for a few months. About four months ago I got back into regular contact with my daughter through the courts, … Continue reading How can I rebuild bonds with my 14 month old?

How to deal with night terrors?

Q: We found our four-year-old son sitting up the other night screaming and shouting. He looked really upset and agitated, yet seemed to be still asleep. It was very upsetting to see and we didn’t know what to do. In a few minutes he settled down and went back to sleep soundly. My sister says it … Continue reading How to deal with night terrors?

I want to see more of my baby. What are my legal rights?

QUESTION I am a separated father and my daughter is 10 months old. My relationship with my ex-girlfriend ended, and then she discovered she was pregnant. Since my daughter was born, things have been difficult with my ex and she allows me to see my daughter for only one or two hours each week. I … Continue reading I want to see more of my baby. What are my legal rights?

How can I manage my 8 year old morning meltdowns?

QUESTION: My daughter is nearly eight years old and has frequent meltdowns and hysterical outbursts that are very hard to manage. Last week when under pressure she threw a hissy-fit and refused point blank to get into the car to go to school. I ended up dragging her into the car which meant she kicked and hit … Continue reading How can I manage my 8 year old morning meltdowns?

My son is unsettled after weekends with his father

Q: My seven-year-old son spends every second weekend (Friday to Sunday evening) with his father, my ex-husband. (We separated 18 months ago.) When he comes back from the visits he doesn’t talk to me about what went on over the weekend. He is often very tired and upset, and it can take a few days … Continue reading My son is unsettled after weekends with his father

My teenager blames me for the separation

Q: I split up with my wife eight months ago and it is becoming hard to see my 12-year-old daughter. She seems to be really angry with me and blames me for the separation. The marriage did finally end because I had an affair, but this was after years of problems. To make matters worse, my … Continue reading My teenager blames me for the separation

New dad: I’m struggling to cope

QUESTION: My wife and I have a baby boy, who is four months old, and I am struggling to cope. I’m under pressure at work and there is pressure at home, minding the baby. My wife, understandably, is consumed by minding our son and is frustrated with me for not helping out more. I feel guilty … Continue reading New dad: I’m struggling to cope

How can I help my son manage his tics?

QUESTION Our eldest son is nearly eight years old. In the past couple of years he has developed several motor and vocal tics, and we are unsure how to help him deal with them. Up to last year we mostly ignored them and reassured him they would go away. However, he began to become more aware … Continue reading How can I help my son manage his tics?

My six year old won’t go to bed

QUESTION: I am writing about my girl who is just six years old. There is a real problem getting her to bed and it can take on average two hours, from 8pm to 10pm, for her to settle, by which time we are all exhausted and I’m usually in tears.  She continues to come downstairs, with … Continue reading My six year old won’t go to bed

My six year old has nightmares, how can we help her?

QUESTION:  My six-year-old daughter often has nightmares in the middle of the night, sometimes twice a week. She can get very upset and then comes into our bed for comfort. What is the best way to help her? Is there anything causing them, and should we continue to let her come into the bed with … Continue reading My six year old has nightmares, how can we help her?

New Baby: We are fighting all the time

Q: My husband and I have a beautiful eight-month-old baby, but the problem is that my husband and I just seem to be fighting all the time. I feel alone and isolated minding the baby at home and he still expects me to do most of the housework. I appreciate that he is under a lot of … Continue reading New Baby: We are fighting all the time

My son is mean to his younger sister

QUESTION: My six-year-old son is always picking on his four-year-old sister and sometimes he can be really cruel to her. He calls her names, teases her and even hits her. He has a really nasty streak and I spend a lot of time policing their relationship.  I have tried being firm and using the naughty step … Continue reading My son is mean to his younger sister

How to get our 3 year old back into his own bed?

Q: We have a little boy who was three last January who is sleeping in his own bed but now wakes up every night and comes into the bed with us. We are persistent and bring him back to his own bed. But he gets upset unless one of us stay with him as he … Continue reading How to get our 3 year old back into his own bed?

Help me deal with my teen’s insecurities

QUESTION: My 14-year-old daughter, who used to be a happy, confident child, has become quite introverted and lacking in confidence. She makes lots of comments, putting herself down and implying that she is not attractive. For example, when watching TV she will mention how some skinny girl on the screen is “gorgeous” or “has a great figure”, somehow … Continue reading Help me deal with my teen’s insecurities

My 14 month old is slapping and hitting

Q: I have a 14-month-old baby boy who has recently started slapping and hitting. This happens to everyone who gets at all close to him or within reach. He doesn’t seem to slap aggressively. It’s more in a playful way but, having said that, he can slap quite hard. We tell him ‘Don’t slap’, and say he … Continue reading My 14 month old is slapping and hitting

My daughter resents my new partner

Q: I have been separated for just over three years and I have a nine-year-old daughter. She sees her dad about twice a week and the arrangement seems to work okay for everyone. I’ve recently started seeing someone new, and I’m worried that my daughter is not adapting well to the new situation. My new … Continue reading My daughter resents my new partner

Is my teenager addicted to technology?

QUESTION: How addictive is technology for teenagers? My two do not seem to be able to last a few minutes without their phone and access to social networking sites. I feel like I have lost them to computers and phones. I am particularly worried about my 15-year-old son who seems to be completely addicted. He tries to … Continue reading Is my teenager addicted to technology?

My teenage daughter doesn’t talk to me

QUESTION: My 15-year-old daughter hasn’t said anything more than “Yeah” or “No” to me for more than a year. I know that all teenagers go through a moody period but I’m worried that this is going on too long. I don’t know anything about what is going on in her life and the person she’s becoming. I’d like … Continue reading My teenage daughter doesn’t talk to me

How do I help my broken hearted son?

QUESTION: My son was going out with a girl for the past two years, since he was 15. They broke up a couple of months ago and, at the time, my husband and I were relieved as we thought it was becoming a little intense and distracting him from his studies. However, it has hit him hard … Continue reading How do I help my broken hearted son?

Our son is scared at night since burglary

Q: I was wondering if you could offer any advice with regard to our seven-year-old son and his sleep pattern. Over a month ago he learned of a break-in to a classmate’s house at night. He has since developed a fear of being left alone in his room and insists that we stay with him at … Continue reading Our son is scared at night since burglary

My five year old is controlling us

Q: My daughter is five and a half. She’s smart, deep and popular with her friends and teachers. She can be loads of fun and still knows how to be a child as she should at her tender age. Her biggest problems stem from control and anger. It’s a bit complicated and, of course, both … Continue reading My five year old is controlling us

My son is obese. How can we help him?

Q: I took my child to the GP due to a chest infection and as part of the examination he weighed my son and indicated that he thought he was overweight and that I should take steps to address this. I was a bit annoyed because I had not taken my son to see him for … Continue reading My son is obese. How can we help him?

My eight year old is afraid of being kidnapped and won’t sleep alone

QUESTION We hope you may be able to help: our eight-year-old daughter has recently developed a fear of being kidnapped to the extent that she will now not sleep on her own or even go upstairs without someone going with her (preferably my husband or me). She has also developed some facial tics which may be … Continue reading My eight year old is afraid of being kidnapped and won’t sleep alone

How can we get back to a better family life after a tough year?

QUESTION: My wife and I have had a challenging and busy year. I was putting in crazy hours at work and then my wife was sick for a period, which became quite a health scare but thankfully she is through that now. We have three teenage children (13, 15 and 16) who are busy with their own lives and I … Continue reading How can we get back to a better family life after a tough year?

My partner has started smoking again

QUESTION I have been with my partner for eight years and we have a 12-month-old daughter together. The issue that really bothers me is that he started smoking again seven months ago even though he knows I hate it. He didn’t tell me at first and was hiding it from me before I found out – … Continue reading My partner has started smoking again

Parenting Teenagers: ‘Navigating the Teenage Storm’

Being a parent is a bit like being the captain on a long boat or plane journey with your children. You start the journey with destination in mind and a navigation plan, but throughout the journey you can get thrown off course by different challenges and problems much in the same way as a plane is put off course by the weather or other air traffic.

Parenting Teenagers: ‘Checking in with your Teenager’

In last week’s article we considered the experience of becoming a teenager and the often ‘stormy’ consequences for parents and teenagers alike.

We argue over how to manage the kids, I’m alway’s bad cop.

QUESTION How important do you think it is for parents to present a united front to their children? How much of a problem is it when they don’t? We have three children who are seven, 10 and 14, and my husband and I are always arguing about how best to manage them. My husband is … Continue reading We argue over how to manage the kids, I’m alway’s bad cop.

One of my twins is so cheeky

Q. I have twin daughters of six years old. One of them never follows instructions or does what she is told. She will spend ages debating, being cheeky and arguing when you ask her something, and it can be very tiring. As a result, I find myself getting really annoyed at her. When she does not get what she wants, she begins to cry and scream. We put her outside the room to get her to stop but she keeps coming back in. Then she asks for a hug in order to stop crying and screaming.

My little girl can’t stop biting her nails

Q: My six-year-old daughter started biting her nails around the same time she started school for the first time last September. She’s a happy girl and is enjoying school, but I reckon the change in her life is what triggered her to start. She bites her nails right to the quick and also bites the … Continue reading My little girl can’t stop biting her nails

Trichotillomania: My daughter pulls out her eyelashes

Q: I’m a mother of two girls, who are 10 and eight. As with all kids, they are very different in many ways. Our elder girl will talk about her worries, but our eight-year- old daughter isn’t as good. She likes to keep the peace more than her sister does, and doesn’t like any confrontation. I … Continue reading Trichotillomania: My daughter pulls out her eyelashes

My 11 year old son has been looking at adult sites online

Q. We have a family PC in the living room and the children use it for homework and games and we always supervise their use. Reviewing the history the other day I discovered that my eldest son who is 11 years old was looking at adult sites – when he put in the term “sex” in Google. He must have been doing it when we were briefly out of the room.

How can I help my 8 year old son with ADHD?

Q. I’m looking for advice on how to deal with a temperamental eight-year-old boy who can be really challenging. He can be impulsive, inattentive, disobedient and unable to accept responsibility for bad behaviour. We took him to a psychologist who said he had significant ADHD/ADD symptoms, which fits with what we were experiencing. We decided not to pursue this further as we did not want to put him on medication. But we are looking for advice on how to manage his behaviour.

My triplets gang up on me

Q. We have four children, a 10-year-old girl and triplets (two boys and one girl). I look after them full-time at home and their father works full-time. I have just spent a weekend from hell with them. Their father went away for the weekend to visit his family. They were acting up all weekend and I had no support. I live in Dublin away from my family and dont know my neighbours. By the end of it I wanted to run away, I even packed a bag, passport, the whole lot. When my husband got home, he got me to calm down and we agreed we needed support.

How do I explain war and murder to my 6yr old?

Q. I am looking for advice on how best to explain to my six-year-old child about all the bad news you hear on the radio or in the newspaper. During the day I often have the radio on and she has begun to listen in and try to work out what is being said. When the news comes on and there is a serious road traffic accident, or a report of a murder or the conflict in Syria, she will ask me what they are talking about and expect me to explain.

What should we tell our son about his diagnosis of Dyspraxia?

Q. Our seven-year-old son has recently been diagnosed with dyspraxia – this came as no surprise as he has always struggled with co-ordination and his social skills are poor. What I would like to know is how we should tell him about his condition or should we just wait until he’s older?

Stranger Danger: How can I teach safety without scaring my child?

Q. In our area there was a concern that a strange man was approaching and talking to children at a local playground. The report was that he was trying to lure them away from the playground. The police were called and, though there was no one arrested they issued a general warning that we should all be careful in the local area and make sure to warn our children of the dangers from strangers and so on. My question is: how much you should talk to children about “stranger danger”.

Tantrums in the middle of the night

Q. My 21-month-old baby has never been the best sleeper but recently it has been getting worse. He always used to wake up at night but we could generally placate him quickly and get him back to sleep in his cot, or occasionally by taking him into our bed. However, recently, he has been waking up in a much more distressed state and won’t settle easily. Frequently, he demands to get up and out of the bedroom and if we stop him he can throw an almighty tantrum.

My baby has started to make strange

Q. My four-month-old daughter is making strange. I understand this is quite early as it is usually six to nine months. She is a happy little one as long as I am in sight or if she’s on my knee. She particularly gets very upset when anyone else changes her nappy: is this because she expects to see me? It is very upsetting to watch as she is normally the happiest little person, but I admit this is in the safe environment of her own home and with me there.

Should I let my 13 year old go to the teenage disco?

Q. There is a teenage disco in our local area and my 13-year-old daughter is very keen to go. Though it seems to be well organised and just targeted at first years, I feel a bit reluctant to let her go. I might be a bit old-fashioned and just think 13 is too young. I also worry about what goes on at these discos with the way the girls dress in an over-sexualised way and all that might go on with the boys. My daughter is a sensible girl who hasn’t given me much trouble.

My easy-going 14 year old has no interest in schoolwork

Q: I have a 14-year-old son who is a lovely easy-going child by nature, but he has absolutely no interest in school. He is in second year at the moment and is scraping by. His teachers say he never stops talking in class and he has constant notes in his journal about missing books, unfinished homework, etc.

I worry about spiralling back into depression

Q. I am a mother to two children aged three and seven months. They are lovely children but I am finding it hard to cope. The long days get to me and I find myself at 9am, having been up for three hours already, wondering how I am going to get through the rest of the day. My husband is supportive, though he is under great pressure in his work and can only do so much. I did suffer from depression on the birth of my first child, but this time I thought things were going better.

My teenager has panic attacks, how can I help her?

Q. My daughter, who is just 15, has always been a bit of a worrier. Just about anything can make her anxious. Recently, things have got a little worse and now she occasionally suffers with panic attacks. Could you please give some tips on how to deal with them?

Toddler is waking several times a night wanting a bottle

Q. My 22-month-old daughter has started to become unsettled at night. She has never been a good sleeper but we thought we were getting out of the woods until a few months ago when she developed a chest infection. As expected, she would wake a lot during those nights and the only thing that would comfort her was to give her a bottle and take her into our bed. Now she is fully recovered but she continues to wake several times a night and demands a bottle.

My toddler won’t eat for me. What can i do?

Q. I have an 18-month-old child who refuses to eat any dinners for me. In the beginning I put it down to teething and several ear infections, but after five months of this I am getting very frustrated. I am trying every approach and nothing is working. I have tried to leave the food in front of her and not take any notice of whether she eats it or not.

How to help baby sleep through the night

Q. My seven-month-old son has started to wake a few times a night and I am exhausted. He used to be a relatively good sleeper and for about a month he slept through the night. Then he got sick and we were comforting him at night; now he continues to wake.

My child hates the bath

Q. A few weeks ago, we put our little girl of 18 months in a bath that was probably a bit hot for her. Ever since she seems to be afraid of getting in the bath and cries uncontrollably. Do you have any suggestions on how to get around this?

My daughter has been sexting

Q. The other night when my daughter, who is 16, went out, she left her phone behind. I know I shouldn’t have, but curiosity got the better of me and I looked through her texts. I just wanted to check she was okay because she hasn’t been communicating a lot with me lately. However, I was shocked at what I discovered. On the phone were a number of explicit sexual texts between her and a boy in the local area.

What rules should I have around technology for my teenagers?

Q. I have three children aged 16, 14 and 11. What rules should I set around using technology in the home? They seem to always be either watching TV, on the tablet, using the Wii or texting friends. They’re technology obsessed. They would spend the whole day on their devices if I let them. Sometimes I come in from work and all three of them are on a screen of some sort and it is hard to get a word out of them.

My son blames me for the separation

Q. I separated from my husband just under two years ago, mainly due to his drinking and gambling. It has been a hard couple of years though things are a lot better now. My ex has got his act together. He lives with his mother, has stopped drinking and gambling and sees the children regularly. The problem is my oldest son who turned 13 last month. He has become really cheeky and disrespectful to me at home. He has been really critical of me and everything I do.

Competitive Parenting

“It has bothered me all my life that I do not paint like everybody else.” Henri Matisse

I’m jealous of my daughter’s relationship with her minder

Q. I have a 17-month-old daughter who is looked after by a childminder Monday to Friday as I work full- time. I would have preferred not to have to work full-time, but have no choice really due to a big mortgage and trying to pay the bills. The minder has two children of her own who are in primary school, so my daughter has the minder to herself in the mornings. My daughter is well cared for and seems to be very happy when she is there.

Keeping a Happy Relationship After Children

AS WELL as bringing lots of joy, the arrival of children actually increases the stress on the parents’ relationship.

Our baby wakes every night

Q. I have a query in relation to the dreaded sleep problem for our one-year-old son. He keeps waking up around 2am and finds it impossible to go back to sleep. He is not wide awake but seems to be unable to settle himself back to sleep. We have tried to stay in the room and pat his back or even bring him into our bed. Although he might stop crying after a while, he still finds it very difficult to settle and keeps tossing and turning.

Tips for healthy eating in young children

Have you ever worried as to whether your preschooler is eating enough vegetables? Or have you ever battled with your toddler to eat his dinner? If so, you are definitely not alone as worries about children’s eating habits are one of the most frequently reported problems in the early years.

My 16 year old has been cyberbullied

Q. My 16-year-old daughter had become quite withdrawn and irritable the past few weeks. She eventually told me that she was picked on and bullied by another girl online. This girl is from around the area but goes to another school. She had met a boy at a disco a few months go and dated him a few times. He was an ex-boyfriend of this girl and she posted some nasty stuff about my daughter online.

Should I let my 13 year old on Facebook?

Q. Our oldest daughter just turned 13 and is pushing to have a Facebook account. Myself and her father feel reluctant to let her do this, as you hear about all the horror stories of cyber-bullying and inappropriate usage and so on. I’d prefer her to wait until she is older but she argues that all her friends in school are on it and accuses us of being “old-fashioned” and out of touch.

My teenager is missing out due to anxiety

Q. My 14-year-old daughter has always been an anxious child . For a lot of her childhood she was afraid of the dark, going places alone and we would have to reassure her a lot (and often let her sleep in the bed with us). For a few years she was acutely afraid of dogs and then this lessened. I had hoped she was growing out of her fears but she continues to be a big “worrier” and I notice that she often avoids doing things she might like because of her fears.

How can I get our daughter back on track after a mental health crisis?

Q. My daughter (who is 15) has been unhappy since last September which seems to have started when her two friends betrayed her by siding with another girl and excluding her. Earlier this year she told me that she was feeling very low and that she had been cutting herself.

We argue over the best way to parent

‘Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.’
Henry Ford

Should I allow my 16 year old son to drink alcohol?

Q. My son has just turned 16 and has been telling me that his friends have started drinking and he’s been joking that he should be allowed to drink too. He’s also been asking to go to house parties where I’m sure there will be drinking going on. Some of my friends have advised me that I should let him have a drink at home rather than having him do it behind my back. I’m not sure about doing this, and would greatly value your opinion.

Sleep: Finding a way that works for baby and you

IN MY WORK with new parents the number-one stress they report is sleep or rather the lack of it. Dealing with a baby who is not sleeping at night is by far the most common challenge for new parents, which is all the more difficult for sleep-deprived parents who are coping with the pressures of getting to work or minding other children.

My teenager can’t seem to make friends

Q. We have three children, a girl aged 14, a boy aged 11 and a girl aged four. The eldest seems to have great difficulty in making friends.

Parent Mental Health: Looking after yourself for the kids sake

Though becoming a parent brings many joys and satisfactions, it is inherently stressful and demanding and can take its toll on parents mental health. Parents can easily put all their energies into caring for and attending to their children, and sacrifice their own personal needs and self-care. Juggling the many demands placed on them, it is easy for parents to cut off from their natural supports or sources of rest or recreation, and over time become depleted stressed and burnt out.

My daughter is mean to her little brother

Q. Our five-year-old daughter has recently started trying to get our two-year-old son in trouble, or even injured. The most recent incident involved her telling him to jump off the top bunk in her room. When I asked her what she thought would happen if he had jumped, she said that she thought he would break an arm or a leg. Telling him to run around the garden in his socks is one thing, but consciously trying to get him to injure himself is very worrying.

Building children’s self esteem and confidence

‘Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.’  -Sigmund Freud                                           

Will an OCD diagnosis for my teenager lead to stigma?

Q. Thank you for answering our question about how to help our son, who displays symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). My husband and I have a further question about the labelling aspect of having him assessed. Would carrying the OCD label be a burden for him?

If you suspect your child is being bullied or is a bully

Unfortunately, bullying isn’t uncommon, and in some surveys up to 40 per cent of children report experiencing or being involved in bullying at school. Many children who are targeted are already marginalised or struggling. Up to half of those who are bullied suffer in silence and don’t tell their parents or teachers what is going on.

OCD: Does my child have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

Q. I have a 13-year-old son who is showing signs of anxiety and this is causing upset for him and for us. At mealtimes, he won’t use cutlery, bowls, plates or glasses that he deems “dirty”, and will go through the cutlery drawer, often laying the contents on the kitchen countertop, going through each one until he finds a knife, fork or spoon that is sufficiently “clean” for his use. He then repeats this routine for bowls, and so on.

My 13 year old is refusing to go to school

Q. My daughter, who is 13, is having terrible trouble getting to school. She is in first year of secondary school and wakes up each morning full of anxiety, and making as many excuses as she can about going. I can’t pinpoint anything in particular that is causing her to be worried, other than that she never really settled after the move from primary school. There are tears every day about going, and some days she point-blank refuses to go.

Trichotillomania: How can I stop my daughter pulling her hair out?

Q. I’m a mother of two girls, who are 10 and eight. As with all kids, they are very different in many ways. Our elder girl will talk about her worries, but our eight-year- old daughter isn’t as good. She likes to keep the peace more than her sister does, and doesn’t like any confrontation.I know she is getting better at opening up, but I still sometimes wonder what exactly is going on in her head.

Teenagers and exam stress

Q. My 14-year-old son suffers from very bad exam stress and anxiety. He is now in second year and he finds it really hard to cope with the anxiety that exams cause him. Even though he is a straight-A student, he can get into a state about anxiety and will say he can’t do it, and that he is stupid, even though none of this is true. It causes great stress at home and I would love some advice on how best we can help him.

My 7 year is too anxious to go anywhere on her own

Q. My daughter will be seven in the summer, and has always been an anxious child. In recent months, she has started to get distressed at the thought of being on her own anywhere. She gets distraught, for example, going into another room to fetch something; going to the bathroom; going to change out of her school uniform.

My 13 year old refuses to go to school

Q. My 13-year-old son has always been a little reluctant to go to school, but it has got much worse since he started secondary. He constantly refuses to go. The night before school he begins to get stressed and then the mornings are dominated by his anxiety. We manage to get him there most days, but it is daily stress for the whole family.

How can I support my shy child to make friends?

Q. My five-year-old is in junior infants. She is very shy and seems to be finding it hard to make friends. When I drop her off at school, the other children are chatting and playing with each other, while she seems very reserved and doesn’t join in. At home she is a happy girl and plays well with her cousins, but I have a sense she is not as happy in school.

My eight year old is too anxious to go to sleep alone.

Q. Our eight-year-old son does not want to go to sleep without one of us staying upstairs – he seems afraid of being upstairs on his own. We have talked about this to him and while he understands there is nothing to be afraid of, he seems stuck in the same response and doesn’t want to be left alone. If we do go downstairs, he remains very anxious in his bed and waits until we come back up or until we are going to bed before he will go asleep.

My little girl keeps telling lies

Q: My six-year-old daughter often tells lies and I am wondering whether I should be worried about this. For example, the other day she had clearly helped herself to cake in the kitchen without permission. However, when I challenged her, she kept saying it wasn’t her. She definitely ate the cake as she even had icing around her mouth, yet she continued to deny it and eventually burst into tears and stormed off. I don’t mind her taking the cake – that is understandable and I should not have left it out to tempt her.

Helping Children with Friendships

Q. My nine-year-old daughter has been generally a happy girl but recently she has seemed to be unhappy going to school. She finally told me she had fallen out with her friend at school. I am not sure exactly what happened but it seems her friend has started hanging out more with another girl in the class and it has become a case of “three’s a crowd ”. She was very upset about it when she spoke to me.

Pocket Money: How much should I give?’

Q: My question is about how much pocket money you should give children. I have three children – an eight-year-old girl and two boys, six and five. The subject never really came up until recently and my daughter is now pressurising us to give her money like all her friends. Some of her friends seem to get lots of money from their parents which I don’t agree with. To be honest, I have always been unsure about giving a child pocket money in case they think they deserve it and it makes them more demanding.

I’m worried my teenager may be suicidal

Q. A 16-year-old boy in my son’s school took his own life a few months ago. This was a big tragedy in the school and the local area, and we were all upset about it. My son (also 16) was particularly upset on the day of the funeral. He spoke openly about how shocked he was and that nobody knew that the boy was depressed. I think collectively they were upset as a group. Now, three months on, my son does not talk much about what happened. Recently, he has become very closed off and I wonder if he is a bit down himself.

How should I discuss suicide with my children?

Q. The many suicides of young people in the media have made me really worried as a parent. I have two teenagers – a boy of 14 and a girl who is just 16. As far as I know they are doing well, with the usual ups and downs of the teenage years. But sometimes I worry if I could be missing something. How could I tell if they were in distress or even suicidal? I don’t want to be morbid but you read in the newspapers how frequently the suicide came out of the blue and the parents never suspected a thing.

How do I help an identical twin who doesn’t like to be called a twin?

Q. Our identical twin boys (Alex and Marcus) are nearly six years old and in separate classes in junior infants since last September. However, since February, Marcus does not like being called a twin. We call them by their names at home or refer to them as the boys. The teachers are very good and refer to them only as brothers. But when other children in the school or adults comment about them being twins or how alike they are, Marcus really doesn’t like it .

Dealing with whining toddlers

Q: I have a beautiful, lively and very articulate three-year-old girl. She can be very whingey and now this is escalating into cheeky behaviour. A typical scenario is that we are playing a game or completing a task together and, for no evident reason, she takes great exception to something. She whinges, “Maammyy . . .

Secondary Infertility: Trying to conceive a second baby is causing strain

Q: I am a mother of a beautiful two-year-old daughter, who will be three in a month, and though I would dearly love another baby, I am having trouble conceiving. My husband and I always imagined having a family of three or more children and I particularly wanted to have my children close together. I am … Continue reading Secondary Infertility: Trying to conceive a second baby is causing strain

My 12-year-old son won’t get out of bed in the morning

Q. I have a 12-year-old boy who just won’t get up for school. He doesn’t appear to have issues with school, seems to be doing well once he gets there, has lots of friends and so on. The problem is the battle in the morning to get him up. We try to have him in bed for 10pm but that ends up being 11pm some nights because that’s a battle too. The tantrums in the morning are breaking my heart.

My nine-year-old still sleeps in my bed.

Q. My nine-year-old son is still sleeping in my bed with me. He is an only child and his father left when he was three years old and, though he initially kept some contact, he has not seen his father now for a few years. Since that time he has more or less slept in the bed with me. I have tried many times to move him into his own bed, but he complains of being scared and always comes back in during the night.

PTSD: My teenage son is on edge since he was attacked

Q. Two months ago, my 14-year-old son and his friend were attacked by a group of boys in town who stole their phones. Since that time, my son has been anxious and on edge and particularly nervous about going out. As a result, his mother or myself have started accompanying him to and from school. We expected this might happen because of the incident and hoped he would get better and recover, but his anxiety remains.

How can I calm my child’s fear of death?

Q. My son, who will turn six soon, is afraid of death. He got very upset when I tucked him into bed last week and started to cry. He said he didn’t want to grow up as that would mean we (his dad and I) would get old and we would die. And that he wanted our family to stay together forever and didn’t want anyone to die.

We need to be more protective of children online

A few years ago, the most common way for young teenagers to socialise was by gathering in adult-free groups in homes, clubs or even on street corners to engage in the normal rituals of chatting and gossiping, flirting and experimenting with relationships. This was all part of the normal ritual of growing up, discovering one’s … Continue reading We need to be more protective of children online

Post Natal Depression: Tips for new fathers dealing with depression

TWO LARGE studies published in the US and Australia have shown that up to 10 per cent of fathers experience depression on the arrival of a new baby. This is twice the normal rate of depression for men at other times and similar to the rates of depression for mothers, suggesting men also experience some form of postnatal depression.

The study authors argue for this to be more widely recognised and for specific supports to be offered to new fathers as well as to mothers.

My 11-year-old son is pushing to be independent, should I let him go?

QUESTION We have an 11-year-old son who is very sporty and independent. I am not sure if I am being overprotective (he is our eldest) but we like to supervise him closely and take him to and from his activities. Recently, he has been asking to walk by himself to his sports training (which is … Continue reading My 11-year-old son is pushing to be independent, should I let him go?

My teenager is depressed. How can we help him?

Q. I would like to ask for your help or advice in relation to a major problem that we have with our youngest child. He is just 15 and due to sit his Junior Cert this June. He is a quiet child by nature and never had a lot, if any, self- confidence, no matter how well he excelled at anything. In the past year or so he has lost all interest in sport, does no homework, has no close friends, and seems to have withdrawn into himself and I would say has become mildly depressed . . .

My 7 year old is anxious

Q. I have a seven-year-old son who all of a sudden has become “afraid of everything”. Although he has been anxious at times in the past, it has suddenly become worse, and now he wants someone to stay with him until he falls asleep. Previously, he had a good bedtime routine of going to the bathroom, reading a story, saying goodnight – all of which went without problem. Now, however, even during the day he is afraid of going outside the livingroom or kitchen to go to the loo.

How to bond with a ‘difficult’ negative child?

Q. I have three children, aged 12, 10 and six, and my problem is the youngest. He stresses me out in the way the other two never did. He whines and moans all day and is negative about everything. It can become a battle to get him to do the slightest thing. Every morning I find myself dreading what mood he might be in. When he is a bad one, he can make it a terrible day for all of us.

Sibling Rivalry: My Teenagers are fighting with each other

Q. My 16-year-old daughter has always been a strong character and a bit fiery, but recently she seems to be fighting with everyone. She is very competitive and always trying to pick fights, particularly with her younger sister who is a much more laid-back character. They are very close in age, just one year between them, and I think a lot of the conflict stems from jealousy. The younger has started to do well in school and our eldest is very competitive and puts her down.

How to deal with my 5 year old’s anger?

Q. My five-year-old daughter has a habit of screaming and shouting when she gets frustrated and upset (for example when we have to say no to her). Her outbursts can last for a long time and are very wearing. My question is how can I teach her to express/deal with her anger/ frustration without screaming? I just keep saying, “Take a deep breath and calm down. Just say I’m angry with you but don’t shout it.” It doesn’t seem to be working though. I’m a bit confused about what to teach her about anger.

I think my 14 year old son might be gay

Q. I think my 14-year-old-son who is an only child might be gay. It is something I always had in the back of my mind because he has always been different and quite effeminate, but now I feel there are more definite signs in what he is saying and what he is wearing, etc. To be honest, I feel I would be fine about it, though part of me would be sad that I won’t be having any grandchildren. I would worry a lot for him though. We live in a small rural town and I’d worry that he would get picked on or bullied if he came out as being gay.

My 4 year old girl has no awareness of danger

Q. My four-year-old daughter has no sense of danger. I can deal with it myself, but I don’t feel comfortable leaving her with other adults in case something happens to her. I am going back to work in September, which is around the time that my daughter starts school. I don’t know how I will bring myself to have someone else collecting her each day. She recently tried to get into a pink car we saw waiting at traffic lights. My husband and I are used to it and have learned to deal with it, but I am not sure how I can warn another adult.

I’m dreading my first Christmas as a separated dad

Q. My wife and myself separated last February. We had not been getting on for several years and I finally moved out and now live with my father. I thought things might improve with us living apart, but in fact they seem to have got worse and it has been very hard the past year for me to see my two boys (four and six). Through the court, I have been granted weekend access and once during the week.

How do I stop my son being a sore loser?

Q. My son, who will be six at Christmas, is very competitive and this sometimes causes problems for him. He always wants to win and can be a really bad loser. He had a friend over the other day and he overturned a Snakes and Ladders game when he lost and went on to have a full blown meltdown. When he plays football, he always wants to be the best and gets into trouble with the coach for never sharing or passing.

Helping my child build a relationship with her absent father

Q. Could you provide guidance as to how to help my daughter, who is three and a half years old, deal with her dad re-entering her life after an absence of one year or so? We split up shortly after she was born and he had some contact limited to odd visits after that, before he moved away for a year or so for work.

My son is coming home drunk at night

How can I encourage healthy eating?

Q. I know what my children should be eating, but my question is how do you actually get them to eat healthy foods? I have two boys aged two and five and though they are not the worst in what they eat, there is still a lot to be desired. For example, my five year old almost never eats the dinners we have as adults and his diet is restricted to mainly eating pasta and bread.

Caught in bed by my 10-year-old daughter.

Q. My daughter, who is almost 11, walked in on my husband and me when we were having sex. It was late at night and we assumed she was asleep. It was all quite embarrassing and we are not sure how much she saw or how long she was there when we spotted her. In the moment, we were both very flustered and shouted for her to go back to her room.

How can I make more time for family?

Q. Both my wife and I are working parents and, like many, we are struggling to keep working, pay the bills and be good parents to our three children (three, six and seven). My business has taken a nose-dive over the past few years and now I have to work longer hours to make the same money. My wife works part-time and is busy minding the kids which is hard work.

As a working parent, how can I find more time for my kids?

Q. Like many mothers, I am trying to balance a busy full-time job with caring for my four children, aged three to 10 years old. I’m very aware of the need to give my children one-to-one attention though it is very hard to find the time. A particular challenge is when I get home from work in the evening and my four children clamour for my attention, sometimes crying and pushing each other out of the way to get to me, and it all can become stressful and pressured.

Are my children doing too many activities?

Q. How many extra-curricular activities should you take your children to? I have three children (five, seven and nine) and the week feels like one busy merry-

My teenager’s friends are a bad influence

Q. My 16-year-old daughter has fallen in with a group of friends who I think are a bad influence on her. She used to be a very positive girl and motivated in school and now she has an attitude, staying out late and she seems to only want to spend time with these other teenagers. They don’t go to the same school as her and some of them seem to be dropping out of school.

Help with play dates

Q. I am looking for some advice on helping my daughter, who is an only child, when she has her friends over to play. She has just started back in senior infants and lots of the girls in the class are visiting each other’s houses for play dates, and so on, and she has been asking about this. Up until last year I was working full-time but now I have reduced hours to three and a half days.

My husband gets angry with the kids

Q. My husband can get so angry with the children sometimes, especially when he is stressed and frustrated. He is otherwise a caring, involved dad and I don’t doubt that he loves our children. However, when they misbehave he can have a short fuse and ends up shouting and threatening them.

My five year old is acting like a baby

Q. I have two sons, a five year old and a 16 month old. When the younger was born we were happily surprised at how well our first child took to the new situation. Everything was going well until the baby was maybe five or six months old. However, since then, the five year old has been acting like a baby more and more. He uses baby talk and points to ask for things and gets easily upset if you don’t do what he wants.

My children are fighting all the time

Q. I have two boys. One is 26 months old and the other was four last week, and they seem to be squabbling and fighting all the time. In particular, the older boy seems to resent the younger one and won’t share any of his toys with him. They can’t seem to play together and any time I leave them alone they start to fight.

Our baby still wakes at night and we are exhausted.

Q. My 14-month-old son has never been a great sleeper but it seems to be worse lately. He tends to wake up at about 2am and finds it impossible to go back to sleep. We have tried staying in the room and patting his back and so on, and even bringing him into our bed. Although he might stop crying after being brought to our bed, he still finds it very difficult to settle and keeps tossing and turning and keeps us awake.

Does our active little boy have ADHD?

Q. My youngest child is three years 10 months old and has always been very active, on the go and into everything. We have to constantly watch him and be on his case and it is exhausting. My wife and I always put it down to him being a boy – he has three older sisters who are generally calmer and organised. However, when he started preschool last September he could not settle and we had to take him out.

How can we help our four year old do things for himself?

Q. My four-year-old son is very lazy about doing basic tasks such as dressing himself and is happy for me to do everything for him. When I try to get him to put his clothes on, he will moan and say he is tired or “can’t do it” and then it can end in a row between us. Even getting him to put on his shoes and coat when leaving the home involves more nagging.

Trichotillomania: Our daughter is pulling her hair out constantly.

Q. We have become very concerned about our daughter who is just 13 years old. She had become quite moody and argumentative as well as secretive and is spending lots of time in her room. We put it down to her becoming a teenager and we’re dealing with it as such. However, a few weeks ago I noticed that her hair had become thin in various places and that she had been going to great lengths to hide this.

Does my lively 2 year old have ADHD?

Q. My son, who is 2½ years old, has no sense of danger and can be a nightmare when we are out as a family. He runs away at the slightest chance. When we go anywhere new, the first thing he will do is climb on things and I fear he will fall. If I tell him not to do something, he doesn’t listen and will immediately go and do it. He is very hard to manage on the road, etc. He is very different to his two older sisters (six and four) who were always well behaved and contained.

I’m worried about my nephew with ADHD

Q. I hope you can help. I am writing to you out of pure desperation. I am extremely worried about my 16-year-old nephew who has reached the point where he is out of his depth and is heading for serious trouble. My sister is my nephew’s sole parent and he has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and has always had behavioural problems.

My son is not ready for school

Q. My four-year-old son is due to start school in September and is attending preschool five mornings a week as part of the free preschool year. I thought he was doing fine there, though he rarely talks about it when he gets home. However, when I spoke to his teacher recently she said she had a lot of concerns regarding his progress. She said he finds it hard to stay seated for the structured exercises and often hits out at children who come into his space.

My 8 year old is very clingy

Q. I’m having a challenging time with my eight-year-old boy primarily related to his obsession with me at the moment – he constantly wants to spend time with me. He can be extremely moody and nasty at times, throwing tantrums, especially if I am not available to him or if I spend time with my two other children (aged four and five).

How to talk to my daughter about her stillborn sister?

Q. Our first daughter was stillborn at full-term and just over a year later our second daughter was born alive and well. She is now two and a half years old. Our first daughter is very much an important part of our lives and we regularly talk about her within the family. We have photos of her around our home and say goodnight to her at bedtime as we try to keep her memory alive. Up until this point we have told our daughter that her big sister is up in the sky playing with the little birdies and this answer has satisfied her thus far.

My child is obsessed with us dying

Q. My 11-year-old daughter (who is an only child) gets very upset at night when she is going to bed. She thinks both her father and I are going to be killed and she will be left alone. It doesn’t matter how often we comfort and console her, we get this at least three nights out of the seven. She says she cannot imagine not being able to talk to us every day and never wants to leave us. Then, in the morning, she is fine again. The only way she falls asleep is by holding onto one of us in her bed.

We’ve drifted apart since having children

Q: I feel very unhappy in my marriage and have done for some time. My wife and I seem to have drifted apart over the years. We are rarely sexually intimate and our relationship has become a bit routine and monotonous. We have three beautiful children – a five-year-old and twins, aged three – and this is the one blessing in our marriage.

My daughter’s friends are excluding her. Is she being bullied?

Q: My daughter who is just eight fell out with one of the girls in her class and since then the girl has been ignoring her and this upsets my daughter. I initially tried to advise her to “move on” and find other friends but it seems that now some of the other girls have joined in and are ignoring my daughter and excluding her from games in the yard. I told my daughter I needed to talk to her teacher, but then she got upset and was worried it would make it worse.

My child is a perfectionist

Q. I have a six-year-old son who is a real perfectionist. He can get really angry and upset if events don’t pan out 100% as he had envisioned. For example, he might be drawing a picture and then get really mad if he makes a mistake and then can scrunch up the paper and throw it away. He can shout and scream for ages. It can also happen with other people, like when he is playing a game with a friend and he does not do it “perfectly” and this can lead to a falling out. I try to tell him it is okay, but he remains angry and upset for ages. What can we do?

My 2 year old has temper tantrums. How should I best deal with him?’

Q. We have two babies, a 22 month old and a five month old, so it’s busy to say the least, and both parents are also very tired. Our son is a super kid, loving, fun and gorgeous, but he definitely is developing a temper. It starts with something simple such as not wanting a nappy changed or wanting what is in a press for example, but if he does not get his way, he throws a tantrum. I understand this goes with the age, but sometimes he grabs my face or neck and really squeezes. What is my best way to deal with this?

My 2 yr old keeps slapping and squeezing other children

Q: My two-year-old son keeps squeezing other children’s faces or slapping their heads. I don’t think he is doing it out of boldness but it is getting him into trouble. He started play school this year and the teachers report him doing it to other children; when they get upset about it, he just laughs which makes things worse. I can see it when I take him to play centres: the other children are nervous of him when he starts “playing chasing” with them. At home we also get this behaviour when he is with other children.

How can we stop the tantrums?

Q: Our four-year-old son has always been a bit difficult – certainly more so than his siblings – but things seem to be taking a real turn for the worse of late. When things do not go his way, he can have a complete meltdown and throw a serious tantrum. Even if it is not an absolute refusal to grant him his wish – for example, “We can’t go to the park now but we will go later” – he will have a noisy and aggressive tantrum that frequently involves firing things, especially if he is sent to his room to calm down.

My teenager’s bad attitude is causing rows

Q. Our 12-year-old daughter has a real problem with her attitude and is always giving us backchat and cheek. She argues with us over every rule and never backs down. She never accepts our explanations and always has to have the last word. Both myself and my wife try to ignore her when she is like this, but she is very persistent and we seem to be always ending up in row.

My son is being very difficult since we had the new baby

Q. My wife has just had our third child. She is everything you could ask for and has rocked our world in the best way possible. However, her big brother, who is four years old, is being a little git and is causing a lot of tension and heartache around the house. I appreciate he is acting up as he’s not the baby any more, but he is genuinely breaking my heart. He is the apple of my eye and always will be. I can’t even begin to describe what a smashing little fella he is, but at the moment neither myself nor my wife can handle him.

Our daughter’s phobias seem to be getting worse

Q. Our happy, outgoing, confident six-year-old daughter appears to be developing irrational phobias. To date, she is terrified of injections, dentists, wasps and to a lesser extent insects in general, tweezers and flying. She hasn’t had a bad experience with any of these things. It all seemed to begin last autumn when she became upset and hysterical while she and her siblings were getting their vaccinations. We were hoping it was a one-off as she had been okay with injections before this and had never had a bad experience.

Our son is jealous of the baby and we can’t handle his behaviour

Q. My wife has just had our third child. She is everything you could ask for and has rocked our world in the best way possible. However, her big brother, who is four years old, is being a little git and is causing a lot of tension and heartache around the house. I appreciate he is acting up as he’s not the baby any more, but he is genuinely breaking my heart. He is the apple of my eye and always will be. I can’t even begin to describe what a smashing little fella he is, but at the moment neither myself nor my wife can handle him.

I think my teenager is smoking

Q. I think my 13-year-old daughter, who has just begun second year, has started smoking. One day last week, when she came in from school, I got the whiff of smoke from her. When I asked her was she smoking, she denied it and gave an elaborate story, which I didn’t believe, but left it at that. Two nights later, I searched her room and did find a packet hidden with a few cigarettes in it. I asked her about them and she said she was minding them for a friend (15 year old), which I didn’t believe either.

My son has very low self esteem

Q. My 14-year-old son seems to have very low self-esteem and I am wondering how best to help him. He works hard at school and gets reasonable grades but he is very hard on himself and thinks he is the “worst” in the class. He takes an interest in sports and, in particular, GAA. He puts in the commitment and goes training every week, attending all the matches, but he feels he is always on the “B team” fighting for a place. He seems to have no confidence at all.

My 17 year old daughter’s boyfriend is 21.

Q. I am writing to you in connection with my teenage daughter. She is 17 years old and is doing her final year at school. She is dating a guy who has just turned 21. While her father and I don’t agree with this we’re not sure how to go about it as we are afraid we will push her towards him even more if we tell her we don’t want her seeing him. He is not from our area and we don’t know much about him except that he works and, according to her, he has a good job. She is very cautious when we ask for information about him.

Teen tantrums are disrupting family life

Q: To what extent can hormone changes affect a teenager’s behaviour and mood? I have a 15-year-old son who, all in all, is very good in terms of his behaviour. However, he is almost six feet tall and his voice has broken, so when he is in a bad mood, his presence and mood are felt by the whole family.

My teenager is unmotivated and has left school

Q. I have a 16-year-old son who is driving us crazy with his carry-on. In September, he started in a new school, but in the first week he had a confrontation with the headmaster and the situation got to the stage where he no longer goes to school. He is lazy and unmotivated and hangs around with some very dodgy lads without our permission.

My 14 year old has lost interest in school

Q. My 14-year-old son has never really applied himself in school, particularly in the last year. As a result, it can be a battle to get him to sit down and do homework, and we seem to be always in conflict about this. Recently, he has started saying that he is not interested in school and that he wants to do other things.

My 13 year is challenging our rules

Q: Our 13-year-old son has become very difficult recently. He is displaying a constant “attitude” in the way he talks to us and acts as if this attitude is a “cool” way to behave. He is also challenging all our rules, saying none of his friends has the same rules. For example, we have told him he can’t go to town until he is 15, but he says all his friends go now at 13. My question is how can we discipline him when his friends don’t have the same rules and how can we deal with such an attitude?

My daughter won’t study or tidy her room

Q. My 15-year-old daughter isn’t studying or doing homework at all in this her Junior Cert year. She’s very disorganised, regularly leaves school books at home and refuses to clean her room, which hasn’t been cleaned in seven months. She gets very angry when I try to encourage her to study or clean, spends all her time on the mobile phone, and has no interest in sport, drama or the arts.

My son is studying so should I relax the rules?

Single Parenting my 3 year old

Q. I’m a single mum to a three-year-old boy. I’m also a mature student in college and lately I have noticed my son’s behaviour has changed and I’m wondering what the problem may be and what I can do to try to alleviate it. He is very outgoing and socially able but lately he is acting like a teenager and gets very cross and upset if he doesn’t get his own way. While I’m sure this is normal to some degree and he is only asserting himself, I feel his behaviour goes beyond this and I’m wondering is this something he is learning from me.

How to explain their father’s alcoholism to teenagers?

Q. My ex-husband had and still has a strong dependence on alcohol. We live separately and generally have a good working relationship. But occasionally the children’s father phones and may be under the influence of drink and says out-of-hand things. How do I help the children (aged 15 and 13) deal with this as the incident may not be acknowledged again yet can upset them, particularly my 15-year-old son, who is striving to have a relationship with his dad?

My 18 year old is becoming violent and angry

Q. My 18-year-old daughter is always angry and sometimes in a rage. At the moment I am sweeping up broken glass from the door she kicked in. She is becoming increasingly violent and it is frightening me. My husband wants her to leave the house. What can I do to manage this situation and where can I go to get her help (I lost my job so can’t afford much)?

My daughter wants contact with her father whom she has never met

Q. I’m a single mum of a 13-year-old girl. I have always been very close to her until recently when she has become very moody and secretive. Myself and my mother, who has been very involved in bringing her up, put it down to “hormones” and being a teenager, but recently she has been asking a lot about her father, whom she has never met. To give you the background, I had a brief relationship with her father, who lives in the UK. He was married at the time I got pregnant and never wanted anything to do with me since.

My 3 year old won’t go to bed

Q. My son, who is just three years old, is terrible at bedtime. We are trying to get a new routine going, for example, at 8.15pm we get him dressed for bed, read three stories, chat about our day, kiss night night, etc. Then the trouble starts, first with him calling from his bed for “another kiss”, “one more story”, “a juice” . . . whatever takes his fancy. We try to ignore him like we have seen on television programmes and when he comes downstairs we just bring him back to his bed, saying nothing.

Egg Donation: Should I tell my kids how they were conceived?

Q: I would very much appreciate your advice. We have twins, four years old, conceived using an anonymous donor’s eggs. We have always felt that they should be told the truth about how they were conceived. I would be very grateful for any advice you would have for us. Is it still felt that it is best to tell the children how they were conceived, even though they will never be able to trace the donor? At what age is it best to begin to tell children? Are there any books/web resources available that would help in this process?

My 2 year old wakes us early every morning

Q. I am a 35-year-old mother of two. My daughter is four and half and my son is two and a half. My son is a very early riser, waking most days at 5.50am. I have tried ignoring his calls for me, but he just keeps calling out, so I go into him, tell him it’s too early to get up and try and settle him back. Sometimes this works for a short while, but for the most part he will settle for five minutes only to resume his calling for me. I go into him again after ignoring him for as long as I can, but nothing will settle him back to sleep.

My daughter’s habit at bedtime has become a worry for us

Q. We have a four-and-a-half year old daughter who is lively, intelligent and friendly and she gets on great with her little sister. Sometimes she can be a little nervous at times or want things done a particular way, though this is nothing unusual. The concern I have is around masturbation. She plays with herself down there constantly. I know a certain amount of this is normal for a little girl, but that hand is in there a lot. She does it, not always, but frequently, to help her go to sleep.

My 3 year old is afraid of using the toilet

Q. My three-and-a-half year old son is absolutely petrified at the thought of toilet training. We have tried several times with him. He becomes anxious, aggressive and even gets to the point of becoming sick (he got a bad viral infection the last time we tried). We have taken nappies off him, bribed him, done reward charts, promised him a much sought after toy – all to no avail. I have physically put him on the toilet and he has weed twice – both accidentally.

My 4 year old is jealous of the baby

Q. I have a four-year-old daughter and I find we are in constant battle with each other. Everything from getting dressed in the morning to meal times is met with constant whining and arguments. She spends a lot of time with her grandmother and, being the only grandchild until recently, she was used to getting undivided attention at home and at her gran’s. However, since my three-month-old son has been born, I have not been able to give her the same level of time, and our relationship has become very difficult and strained.

Toilet training: My 3 year old won’t poo in the toilet

Q. I am writing for advice in relation to my three-year-old daughter who is the youngest of three girls as we have been having enormous difficulty in toilet training her. We first attempted to train her when she was two and a half and was showing signs of being ready, but had to stop after several weeks as there was no success. We started again six months later when she turned three and she has mastered staying dry relatively easily and now goes to the toilet by herself to do her wees.

Should I stop my son’s naps?

Q: We are having trouble getting our three-year-old son settled going to bed at night. We try to have a regular bedtime of 7.30pm but often he is not tired and he can keep getting up and not get to sleep until 9:30pm. Even if he goes to bed this late he does not sleep any longer in the morning and always gets up at 6am or even earlier, though he can be cranky during the day. He tends to have a nap in the afternoon and we were advised previously to try to stop this.

My two year old is acting like a bully

Q. My son whom I cherish and adore seems to be a bully. He attacks other children for no reason whatsoever. He pushes, shoves, pulls clothes, scraps, slaps them, and so on. Today, we were at music class and he carried out four attacks, one of which was quite nasty. The other little boy got a few scrapes on his face. I have tried the “Do not do that, it’s not nice and it hurts” and when I ask him to say sorry he goes over and kisses them and gives them a hug. He is a very affectionate boy, but he would turn around and do it again in a few minutes.

How can i get my daughter to play nicely?

Q. My four-year-old twin girl gets very grumpy and upset when with other children of the same age when they visit her at home. Sometimes she can even become aggressive and storm off to her room and then after an hour or so she comes back to herself and plays nicely. This also happens when we go out socially. If visiting friends she gets very excited and disruptive, and becomes almost naughty showing off. As a consequence we do not visit people. We are not sure how to help her cope.

Our sons are always fighting when they meet up

Q. My son is 21 months old and is generally a happy little man. He has a few friends from creche and plays quite well with each of them. A good friend of mine also has a 21-month-old boy, but whenever we meet up the two boys end up waging war over one toy or another.

Our daughter is fighting and biting in creche

Q. We have a 2½-year-old daughter whose behaviour is causing a lot of worry and concern. She has a 4½-year-old sister and I am expecting my third child in three months. The main problem is her behaviour in creche. For about a year now she has intermittently gone through a biting phase, which at times has been relatively mild with only one or two incidents a week to many attempts in any one day.

My four year old is bossy and demanding with other kids (Social Skills)

Q. I have a four and half year old son and he is an only child. He was born after many years of trying so we feel lucky to have him. We would have liked for him to have a brother or sister but it seems now that I can’t have any more children. My husband and I have lots of time for him and he is the centre of our life. However, I do worry about how he gets on with other children. He can be very bossy and demanding. While my husband and I put up with this, this is not the case with other children.

My toddler bit me

Q. We have just had a new baby son and all is going well. We have an older girl (21 months) who loves her baby brother and gives him lots of hugs and kisses and shows him so much affection. However, there is just one thing that she started yesterday and that was biting. She was being a bit rough with baby and I asked her to be gentle and she tried to bite me. I did the whole calming talk and told her biting was bold and we just moved on with what we were doing.

Our little girl needs her teddy all the time

Q. We have a five-year-old daughter who is very attached to her teddy which she seems to need all the time. Very often her mood can be hugely influenced by the availability or not of the toy. Should we allow a limitless contact with the teddy, even if a side effect is sucking her thumb and possibly affecting her teeth? She is generally a very good child otherwise.

How can I get rid of my 3yr old’s soother?

Q. I have a three-year-old girl who is very attached to her soother. It used to be kept in the cot but came out of there and was used more when her baby brother came along 10 months ago. We have succeeded in keeping the soother confined to the house but trying to get her to keep it in the cot leads to a lot of tears. Her brother has one but only in the cot. I would like to see the soother put back in the cot or gone altogether. Should we try to take it off her altogether or try to get her to leave it in the cot.

My shrieking twins are driving me mad

Q. My two-year-old twin daughters are in general lovely, happy children but they tend to shriek a lot at high volume at the slightest thing. If one of them takes a tumble for example, even though it’s obvious they are not hurt, the high-pitched squawking starts. Several people who are around children a lot say they have never heard anything like the sound they make. What makes it worse is that the girl nothing has happened to will, most of the time, start shrieking as well, as though in sympathy or in a bid to get attention.

I yearn for a baby girl in a house full of boys

Q: I have four beautiful children, all boys, aged eight, six, four and 14 months, who are all doing well. I know I should be happy with my lot, but I am constantly obsessing about not having a daughter, which I always hoped for. I became very depressed after the birth of my third boy and I put this down to being disappointed at not having a girl. We went on to have a fourth child and this was down to me pressurising my husband to try again. He was initially dead set against having a fourth, but gave in when he saw how much it meant to me.

Is there a difference in bringing up boys and girls?

Q. I have one daughter and two younger sons under six. I come from a family of all girls and, in turn, my sisters have all girls. I am conscious that my sons have a lot of female influences (although their dad, who is very hands-on, was once a young boy!). I wonder whether there are any special tips you could give me about bringing up boys. They are both very happy little fellas, but I suppose I am a bit paranoid that between us all the girls will turn them into sissies.

Raising an only child

Q. I have one six-year-old son. My question relates to his being an only child. Most of my friends and family have more children and I worry about him feeling different. What are the pros and cons for only children? Are they at a disadvantage? Do they lose out by being an only child? How can we ensure he doesn’t feel different and that he grows up happy?
 

Why has bilingual approach stalled?

Q. My three-year-old son has grown up with German and English as his first languages. As his mother, I have been speaking German to him since he was born, and my Irish husband has spoken to him in English. So far, he has managed really well. His speech has been very clear in both languages from about two-and-a-half years of age. We live in Ireland and clearly he is surrounded by an English-speaking world. However, when we go to Germany, after a few days he always manages to tune into German without problem.

Is my daughter ready for primary school?

Q. My daughter, who will be four in August this year, is enrolled to start primary school in September 2011 when she will be just gone five. She has been in creche from a young age and has been following the Montessori programme since September last. She is a bright child who shows a keenness to learn as well as an ability to understand things. I have recently heard that a few of her classmates, of similar age, are enrolled for starting in primary school this September. This has made me revaluate our decision.

My child doesn’t want to go to preschool

Q: I am worried about my four year old starting a new Montessori in September. Last May and June, I started him four mornings a week in a playschool and there were problems going in each morning as he used to get very upset at the door when I left him. His worry about going would start the moment he got up in the morning, when he would immediately say he “didn’t want to go” and he would resist getting dressed and into the buggy and so on. His anxiety would build and he could start crying even before we arrived at the playschool.

Introducing my child to a new partner

Q. I read your answer recently about the right way and time to introduce a new partner into a child’s life, (Read it here) and it has led to renewed discussion about this issue with friends of mine who are also single mothers.

My children are TV addicts, how can I stop it?

Q. My two sons (aged five and seven years) would watch TV all day if I let them. This has been particularly the case over Christmas. This leads to battles as I try to get them to switch it off and do something else more healthy. My seven year old in particular seems to be addicted and he gets into a real strop when I turn it off. Do you think TV is addictive? And how much TV should I let them watch or should I get rid of it altogether?

My son has been watching porn on his phone

Q. We bought our 17-year-old son a smartphone five months ago for his birthday. He had been pressing to get one for ages, “like all his friends”, and we finally gave in. He was out the other day and had forgotten to take his phone with him, which is unusual as it is normally welded to him. I took the opportunity to look at it. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was curious to see what he was up to on it. Looking at his history and apps I discovered he was regularly accessing porn and adult sites. As his mother, I was a little shocked.

My daughter is very fussy about getting dressed

Q. I am a mother of five-year-old twin girls and have been having ongoing problems with one of them in relation to dressing. When she was younger she was always a bit fussy/temperamental when it came to what she wanted to wear which I just put down to her personality. However, it is now a real problem. She creates a fuss most mornings saying she doesn’t like her vest/ T-shirt/pants/whatever and that it’s annoying her. Sometimes I think there must be some kind of sensory thing going on but then other times I think she’s just playing up.

How to get the balance right with after-school activities?

Q. We have three children aged nine, seven and four, who have busy social lives full of activities. Often, I feel that I have got into role of a chauffeur as they seem to want to do everything! With the new school year looming, I am wondering how do you get the balance right with after-school activities – I want to cultivate their interests, of course, but I don’t want to be “running around” all the time.

How can I help my shy 10 year old?

Q. My daughter is 10 years old and I am concerned about her. She is extremely shy to the point where she nearly becomes paralysed. She is very sensitive and emotional, thinks everyone is looking and talking about her and will not engage in school sports because she is afraid of being embarrassed. She allows herself to be bullied and is drawn to the weakest and youngest person in her class. She is an extremely kind and gentle girl and would never hurt anyone deliberately.

Our son has a ‘girly’ side

Q. Our five-year-old son, the youngest of three boys, has always been drawn to what he calls “girly things”. He loves dolls, buggies, magazines aimed at young girls, etc. Apart from his brothers, most of his friends are girls. We have always accommodated his preferences as much as possible, although I’ve drawn the line at allowing him to leave the house in a princess dress as I don’t want people to laugh at him or bully him.

Big sister is mean to the younger one

Q. I have two daughters, the eldest is nearly five and the younger nearly three. My eldest is very aggressive towards her younger sister. She screams in her face constantly, despite being told it’s not acceptable. She will pinch, push, grab toys, etc. The younger girl is a very easy-going happy child, but I am very worried about the constant bullying she endures. She will try to kick, hit or, on occasion, spit at me or my husband, particularly when we intervene in any incident. We have tried talking to her and explaining that it’s rude.

My teenagers don’t talk to each other

Q: I am a mother of three teenage children – a girl of 14 and two boys age 16 and 19. The problem is there is no communication between them. It is not that there are rows between them, just not much communication. It seems as if they are living their separate lives without talking to one another. This has been going on for a long time – maybe four years or more – and it went unnoticed for quite a while. I can’t identify a particular starting point or cause of the problem.

My 13 year old daughter won’t accept discipline from my new partner

Q: I was a single mother for many years and then met a new partner four years ago. I have a 13-year-old daughter who was nine when she first met my partner. My partner has always been wonderful to my daughter and they get on great as a rule. However, she does not accept discipline from him and this causes lots of conflict particularly since she became a teen.

How to be a good stepmother

Q. I am due to get married soon and my partner has a six-year-old boy from a previous relationship. The plan is for him to live with his mother half the week and with us the other half of the week. I feel very daunted at the prospect of becoming a stepmother and I am aware of everything that can go wrong. Do you have any tips on making it go well?

My daughter is behaving badly since our separation

Q. I have recently separated from my husband after 10 years of marriage. We have an eight-year-old daughter who lives with me but sees her father every other day for an hour or so and she stays over one night a week with him. In the past couple of weeks, she has been really acting up and won’t do anything I tell her. I seem to be shouting at her all the time and it’s really upsetting. I feel like a bad mother that I can’t even control my own child. She seems to behave for everyone else and her father does not seem to be having the same problems.

My child has a needle phobia

Q: My four-year-old daughter has to go for an annual check-up at a children’s hospital in September. Getting her bloods checked is always a part of this, which of course involves them using a needle. She has become very aware in the past year about needles, from playing doctor with friends and knowing that her baby sister has been getting vaccinations, and she has often talked about “needles” and whether she will ever have to get one.

How can I help my child be more confident?

Q. I have a six-year-old girl who has been described as being both quiet and sensitive at school. She tends to be a perfectionist in things that she does and hates being wrong. She seems to lack confidence in her ability to do things. I would describe her as never entering into a competition if she feels she may fail and that includes social relationships. I worry that she might be missing out as a result. She is a complex character and I am wondering how I can help her cope with these feelings?

How to explain teenage pregnancy to my girls?

Q. My 17-year-old niece, who has always being a bit wild and impulsive, has just announced she is pregnant. She is no longer with her boyfriend, so it is likely she will be parenting alone. Although they are putting on a brave face publicly, I know my sister and her husband are privately devastated because they think she is too young – my sister has told me in the past that this is her worst fear. My question is about what to say to my own two girls (aged eight and 12) about the news. They see a lot of my niece and are very fond of her.

Facts of Life: At what age should we tell our children about sex?

Q. My nine-year-old daughter asked me out of the blue last night, “How do you get a baby?” I was a little shocked and, as I was thinking what to say, she then told me that her friend told her that “the boy and girl have to have sex”. She then became shy about it and didn’t say any more. I changed the subject and asked her how her friend could think she would know about these things. She told me her friend had heard it from an older sister. I didn’t say any more and the conversation then moved on.

My son is anxious after being attacked.

Q. A few months ago my 10-year-son and his friends were playing in a park near our home when they were threatened by a group of teenagers, who pushed and shoved them and tried to rob them. My son ran to our house to get help and the police were called, and later apprehended the teenagers. My son and the boys were very upset by the incident. The guards were really good at handling the situation. They chatted to my son and tried to allay his worries. They told him that the teenagers were not from the area and unlikely to visit again.

Can I put a stop to my son’s wish on Santa’s list?

Q. My eight-year-old son wants an Xbox from Santa this Christmas. Now I am a little worried about him getting this as I think the games can be a little violent – certainly the ones he is talking about wanting to play – and I’d prefer him to ask for something else and not get an Xbox for a few years. He already has a Wii and a Nintendo DS, so he has plenty of gadgets. However, I don’t want to disappoint him either and he has already written to Santa about this.

How can we explain that we can’t afford our kid’s christmas wishes?

Q. Normally my two children (six and eight) get loads of presents at Christmas. However, this year my husband lost his job and finances are much tighter in the family. I don’t know how to explain to my children that they will be getting a lot less this year. Both myself and my husband feel we are letting them down. We’re both pretty down about it and normally we really love Christmas. The children are asking about things they would like that I know we can’t really afford and I don’t know what to say.

Coping with Eating Disorders

Q. My 19-year-old daughter was diagnosed with an eating disorder about nine months ago, and has been attending a clinic on an outpatient basis ever since. Although she has made some progress, my husband and I are increasingly worried about her as she refuses to eat the required amount of food the clinic recommends, and is very underweight.

How will 2 year old cope with my overseas job?

Q. I have been offered a role abroad which I am considering taking, but to reduce any upheaval my wife and two-year-old son will remain in Ireland. However, I am concerned as to the effect my removal from my son’s daily life may have and would be grateful if you could let me know what the possible impact of such a move would be on him. I know I will see him every month or so, but I am concerned it may affect him at this early stage of his life.

My son doesn’t want to see his dad

Q. I am recently separated from my husband and have been in the family law court five times trying to sort out access arrangements for our six-year-old son. The court granted an interim protection order against his father due to excessive alcohol consumption mixed with antidepressants, and his behaviour was very distressing to both our son and myself. Following a psychologist’s report, he was granted day access with supervised handover and return.

My mother-in-law is very opinionated about my parenting

Q. Would you have any advice in dealing with in-laws? I have a three-year-old and a 13-month-old. The problem is my mother-in-law constantly comes over unannounced and she spends lots of time here. It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t always giving her tuppenceworth in how I rear my kids, particularly on how I manage my three-year-old’s tantrums and whinging. Frequently, she makes really critical comments, such as the other morning when she came over and said, “Are they not dressed yet?” to suggest somehow I was disorganised.