Articles by John Sharry

My preschooler has nightmares and night time tantrums

Parent Question:Our son has just turned four and has, over the last six weeks, stopped using his dummy and moved into his own bed, instead of the cot. However, in the last two weeks he was sick with flu and was having nightmares and so we have been letting him into the bed with us. … Continue reading My preschooler has nightmares and night time tantrums

My 19-year old is depressed and anxious

Parent QuestionI’m looking for advice for my own son who is 19 and in his first year in college. He has been on anti-anxiety medication for 18 months and earlier this year he had a type of breakdown (was suicidal, experienced hallucinations) and the GP put him on medication for depression and anxiety. Over the … Continue reading My 19-year old is depressed and anxious

How can I help my child with rejection sensitivity?

Parent QuestionMy son is 11. He’s autistic and very bright. I’m wondering if you have any advice on helping him with rejection sensitivity. While he doesn’t have a lot of the sensory issues often associated with autism, he is extremely self-conscious, gets very upset by perceived criticism, can’t take correction, and finds it hard if … Continue reading How can I help my child with rejection sensitivity?

My 14 yr old struggles with homework and study. She might have ADHD.

Parent QuestionMy daughter is 14 and in second year in secondary school. She is really struggling with study and homework. She could not get it together to study for the Christmas tests and did not do as well as she wanted. This is despite the fact that she is a bright girl and in primary … Continue reading My 14 yr old struggles with homework and study. She might have ADHD.

Should I go for an ADHD assessment as a parent?

Parent QuestionI am a father to a 10-year-old boy who has been recently diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). He has been struggling in school since day one, so the diagnosis is not a surprise. We had to get our own private assessment with a psychologist as he has been on the waiting list … Continue reading Should I go for an ADHD assessment as a parent?

Is my 11 year old burnt out from school?

Parent Question:My 11-year-old son is in sixth class and hates going to school. He is always reluctant to go in the morning and there is often tears before I finally persuade him out the door. He is also constantly complains of being tired, especially when he comes in from school and he has to lie … Continue reading Is my 11 year old burnt out from school?

At what age should I give my child a mobile phone?

Question:My daughter was 12 last week and she is already starting to pester me about getting a mobile phone. She sees her older sister on her phone all the time and thinks she deserves one. Also, it seems one of her classmates got one over the summer and this has added to the pressure. Her … Continue reading At what age should I give my child a mobile phone?

My teenager’s friends are a bad influence.

Parent Question: My 14-year-old son has fallen in with a bad group of friends and we are worried. He found the transition to secondary school hard. He was isolated and unhappy in first year and Covid made this harder. It took him a long while to find a group of friends who accepted him. Now … Continue reading My teenager’s friends are a bad influence.

My teenage sons do not get on with each other

Parent Question:My husband and I have two teenage boys in secondary school. They are both very polite and kind young men in general company. They have good circles of friends and their teachers seem to like them. The problem is that they refuse to engage with each other with any civility. The older son hates … Continue reading My teenage sons do not get on with each other

My 12 year old has been dropped by her friends

Parent Question:My 12-year-old daughter used to happily belong to a friendship group of five other girls. Over the past few weeks they seem to have dropped her and it is breaking her heart. There is one girl who sees herself as the “leader” who seems to be behind it. My daughter had some sort of … Continue reading My 12 year old has been dropped by her friends

We are separating, how can we help our children cope?

Parent Question: After a long process, my wife and I have decided to separate. We want to do it right for our two children, aged six and eight, and we are working hard to co-parent well. We are trying to have no conflict or arguments (well as little as possible) in front of the children. … Continue reading We are separating, how can we help our children cope?

Emetophobia: How to help my daughter’s phobia of vomiting?

Parent Question: My daughter has a phobia of being sick. It is totally consuming her and our lives. She is such a loving girl, but this is all we talk about as she needs constant reassurance she won’t vomit. Please help. Answer: A fear of getting sick or vomiting, also known as emetophobia, is much … Continue reading Emetophobia: How to help my daughter’s phobia of vomiting?

My son says he hates himself

Parent Question: My little boy, who is six, is an only child. He is very lovable, kind, intelligent, strong-willed, but he tends to lack self-esteem. He tends to self-loathe and often says he hates himself. He doesn’t accept praise without putting his negativity on it. He gets so easily defeated too and says he feels … Continue reading My son says he hates himself

My 5 year old is soiling his pants.

Parent Question: My (almost) five-year-old is very capable and bright. But for 18 months now he frequently finishes the day with a smear of poo in his pants or having wee’d himself. He doesn’t say anything to anyone. And even when he gets that “faraway” look in his eyes that means he is soiling himself. … Continue reading My 5 year old is soiling his pants.

Is my quiet 10 year old girl autistic?

Parent Question:Though she can be chatty with us at home, my 10-year-old daughter has always been very quiet when she is out socially and when she is in school. When she was a preschooler she was diagnosed as selectively mute and we took her to see a speech therapist and a play therapist, both of … Continue reading Is my quiet 10 year old girl autistic?

My son won’t follow rules

Parent Question:My seven-year-old son is very defiant. It is particularly problematic in extracurricular activities. Initially, I thought it was related to physical activities only, which would be understandable as he has a mild physical disability which results in fatigue. However, he is also defiant with his music teacher and won’t follow the basic rules of … Continue reading My son won’t follow rules

My 3 year old is always hitting his brother

Parent Question:My 3½-year-old son is constantly using force or hitting his 1½-year-old brother. Sometimes, I manage to catch before he does it and I am able to stop him. Other times, I turn around and he has just hit him and his brother is screaming. I give out to him and that does not work, … Continue reading My 3 year old is always hitting his brother

My son’s father is not meeting up with him

Parent Question: My son’s father is not spending time with our 11-year-old son regularly. How do I explain this to my son?My ex has a history of multiple mental health issues. When we all lived together my son experienced those periods where depression caused his dad to withdraw. I tried to protect him from the … Continue reading My son’s father is not meeting up with him

My 10 year old girl says she is fat

Parent Question:My 10-year-old girl tells me she thinks she is fat. I try to reassure her and tell her she is lovely as she is, but I think she still ruminates and worries about it. One time she told me that she thinks she needs to go on a diet and I told her not … Continue reading My 10 year old girl says she is fat

How can I help my unhappy 15 year old daughter?

Parent Question: I am struggling with my 15-year-old daughter at the moment. She started dieting last autumn and coming up to Christmas she lost a lot of weight. She was extremely thin, spoke about food all the time, and we were very worried about her. She then fell off that “healthy eating wagon” and went … Continue reading How can I help my unhappy 15 year old daughter?

My autistic five-year-old won’t use the toilet

Parent Question:My five-year-old son is autistic and started school this year. He has a SNA (special needs assistant) and has settled well in school. He is learning and is happy to go, so we are pleased with this. The problem we have is over toileting — he has never once used a potty or a … Continue reading My autistic five-year-old won’t use the toilet

My five-year-old daughter is too bossy with her friends

Parent Question:My five-year-old daughter can be really bossy with her friends. When they come over on a play date, she tries to organise everything, choose all the games and tell them what to do all the time. I sometimes see the other children bristling in response to her and I am worried that she will … Continue reading My five-year-old daughter is too bossy with her friends

My five-year-old is so negative about everything

Parent Question:My five-year-old boy is so negative about everything and I don’t know how to deal with it. He starts every day with “I hate school”, this continues to hating whatever breakfast is, and then hating walking to school (including the route). He defaults to hating everything. I have banned the word hate in the … Continue reading My five-year-old is so negative about everything

My nine-year-old is mean is moody and mean to her sister

Parent Question: My nine-year-old girl is moody, so much so it affects the balance of our family of six. She is our eldest and I’m always on edge as to what her mood will be. I find as a mother I don’t like her at times. Don’t worry I don’t show this, but I do … Continue reading My nine-year-old is mean is moody and mean to her sister

Should we allow our 17-year-old to drink at home with us?

Parent Question:My 16-year-old son (17 in a few weeks) has been dropping hints he wants to start drinking. My husband and I don’t drink that much at all but when we are having a bottle of wine at the weekend or at family events, he always asks to have glass. We have always adopted the … Continue reading Should we allow our 17-year-old to drink at home with us?

My 12-year-old is finding it hard to sleep

Parent Question:My 12-year-old is finding it hard to sleep at night. This mainly started in the last six months and has got much worse over the summer. He seems to get stressed and worried at bedtime, and can toss and turn and find it hard to sleep. Sometimes we think he has fallen asleep and … Continue reading My 12-year-old is finding it hard to sleep

I think my young teenager is too young to have a boyfriend

Parent Question:My daughter is nearly 14. She has her moments, but she is generally a great teenager (her older brother was much harder work!). She is fairly self-assured, loves sports and doing well at school and is starting her second year in secondary school. She has never really had a best friend, but used to … Continue reading I think my young teenager is too young to have a boyfriend

Our son sees us argue and is upset

Question:We have been happily married for 10 years. We are immigrants in Ireland, and have no family around. We have some family friends (from our community whom we meet and hang out with on weekends) and have three children; the eldest is nine. My husband and I are extremely happy in our marriage. We have … Continue reading Our son sees us argue and is upset

My son is struggling to settle into secondary school

Question:My 12-year-old son has just entered secondary school. Just one boy from his primary school has gone to the same secondary. While he is doing well academically, he is struggling to make friends. In the first weeks a number of the boys in his mixed class were engaging in bullying behaviour as they all clumsily … Continue reading My son is struggling to settle into secondary school

How to handle my three-year-old’s tantrums?

Parent Question:I have a three-year-old and he can throw some wild tantrums when he gets overtired or is frustrated. While I know tantrums are normal for three-year-olds (he is my first), the intensity of his feelings worries me a bit. While he’s at the height of his tantrum, he keeps saying, “I want to stop”. … Continue reading How to handle my three-year-old’s tantrums?

My son never tells me about his day at school.

Parent Question:My six-year-old son never talks about school and I wonder if this is okay. Each day I ask him how was school, and each day he avoids the question and says nothing. If I ask the question a few times, he can get annoyed and once said ‘stop talking’ to me. Should I worry … Continue reading My son never tells me about his day at school.

Is my daughter struggles with friendships, could she be autistic?

Question: My 11-year-old daughter is in fifth class and is struggling to make friends. We found out a group of girls were excluding her. Apparently she was constantly seeking to hang out with them and they gave her the cold shoulder. I was very angry, but you can’t force the girls to include her. The … Continue reading Is my daughter struggles with friendships, could she be autistic?

My eight-year-old daughter has a friendship that can be quite intense

Parent Question:My eight-year-old daughter has a friendship that can be quite intense. She often talks about the other girl getting upset. My daughter feels responsible for her friend and worries that she’ll be in trouble when the other girl gets upset. The upset is happening more and more often. The cause of upset that I … Continue reading My eight-year-old daughter has a friendship that can be quite intense

What can I do while I wait for an autism assessment for my 4 year old?

Parent Question:My son is just four and I am worried he may have autism. He speaks a lot less than when his brother was the same age and spends hours just rolling on the floor with his cars, and his sleeping can be horrendous. When we are out with friends, he clings to us all … Continue reading What can I do while I wait for an autism assessment for my 4 year old?

Should I allow my 13-year-old to post on YouTube?

Parent Question:My 12-year-old son wants to start posting videos on YouTube. He is mad into video games and soccer and watches vlogs and commentaries on YouTube. He would do this all day long if I let him. He is now trying to make his own video clips and says he wants to post them online. … Continue reading Should I allow my 13-year-old to post on YouTube?

My autistic teenager is constantly online

Parent Question:My 14-year-old son, who is autistic, has become really dependent on his phone and computer and is spending nearly the whole day on some sort of device. Over the long summer it was hard to get him to do much else. In the heat of a row, I did remove his phone, and this … Continue reading My autistic teenager is constantly online

My gifted son hates school

Parent Question:My son started sixth class this year and he really hates going to school. He says he “hates” the work and that he is bored. I try to jolly him along and he goes in, but he looks really down in the dumps most days and I worry about him. He started this last … Continue reading My gifted son hates school

Does my daughter have PDA?

Parent Question:My 12-year-old daughter’s opposition and meltdowns is making our family life miserable. She won’t do anything she is told to do. Simple requests, such as coming to the table for dinner, getting dressed, or tidying her room can lead to a full-scale meltdown. We can have big battles to go anywhere as a family … Continue reading Does my daughter have PDA?

My son has ADHD, should I get diagnosed too?

Parent Question:I am a father to a 10-year-old boy who has been recently diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). He has been struggling in school since day one, so the diagnosis is not a surprise. We had to get our own private assessment with a psychologist as he has been on the waiting list … Continue reading My son has ADHD, should I get diagnosed too?

My seven-year-old won’t do what he’s asked

Parent Question:My seven-year-old son is very defiant. It is particularly problematic in extracurricular activities. Initially, I thought it was related to physical activities only, which would be understandable as he has a mild physical disability which results in fatigue. However, he is also defiant with his music teacher and won’t follow the basic rules of … Continue reading My seven-year-old won’t do what he’s asked

Feedback form – talk in CTYI by John Sharry 21/10/23

Parenting a child with neurodevelopmental differences such as Autism, ADHD, Dyspraxia and Dyslexia Please complete feedback form here Slides available here

Strengths-based Family Centred Practice

Click here for full slides of presentation by John Sharry

Follow-Up Self-Esteem

Slides:You can view the slides from tonight’s talk here. Please note that the slides are for personal use only, and should not be copied or distributed without permission. Articles:The link to the series of six articles on building children’s self-esteem is here. Other articles are here and more recent ones are on The Irish Times … Continue reading Follow-Up Self-Esteem

Instagram Posts

More tips on my Instagram page at: www.instagram.com/john_sharry Tips to negotiate rules with teenagers Tips to arrange playdates to help children with friendships Tips on what to do when your child tells lies Tips for switching from “Don’t ” to “Do”

My six-year-old says he hates himself

Question: My little boy, who is six, is an only child. He is very lovable, kind, intelligent, strong-willed, but he tends to lack self-esteem. He tends to self-loathe and often says he hates himself. He doesn’t accept praise without putting his negativity on it. He gets so easily defeated too and says he feels sad … Continue reading My six-year-old says he hates himself

My 14yr old is worried about war

Parent Question: My 14-year-old son is really worried that world war three will break out. Since Russia invaded Ukraine he has been anxious. He is not sleeping well as a result and is tired and on edge during the day. I try to reassure him that things won’t go that far, but he argues back … Continue reading My 14yr old is worried about war

Making New Year Resolutions

People often start the new year with high hopes and expectations. January can be marked with a frenzy of new goals, resolutions and promised lifestyle changes. However, research shows that most people fail to keep their resolutions beyond the first few weeks. Despite good intentions many plans quickly fall by the wayside and this can … Continue reading Making New Year Resolutions

Instagram posts

More tips on my Instagram page at: www.instagram.com/john_sharry Tips to negotiate rules with teenagers Tips to arrange playdates to help children with friendships Tips on what to do when your child tells lies Tips for switching from “Don’t ” to “Do”

Tips to help cope with the Covid crisis

Covid-19 has upended our lives completely. We now find ourselves in a new world of reduced social contacts, struggles to keep work going at home and losing jobs and keeping our distance from other people. While this might have been an interesting experiment for a few days, the prospects of doing this for weeks and … Continue reading Tips to help cope with the Covid crisis

Homeschooling: How can I make it work for me and my children?

Q: I have two boys in third and fourth classes and this new phase of homeschooling is not going well. My eldest in particular is struggling with the work the teacher sets and is often upset about it – feeling he can’t do it. The teachers just send out lists of formal school work to be done … Continue reading Homeschooling: How can I make it work for me and my children?

How can I get my teenager to engage in online school?

Q: How can I get my 15-year-old to engage in online schooling? He is stressing about his workand finding it difficult to focus at home. PreCovid, he was a driven and conscientious student who always did well in school. But in this latest lockdown he is struggling and has little interest in schoolwork. He says he … Continue reading How can I get my teenager to engage in online school?

How to fight Covid -19 psychological fatigue?

When the first wave of coronavirus struck back in March, we surprised ourselves with how well we coped psychologically and with how well we collectively responded to the challenge. People almost universally accepted the public health message of “coming together as a nation, by individually staying apart”. There were high levels of altruism and community … Continue reading How to fight Covid -19 psychological fatigue?

Becoming solution-detectives – a creative approach to helping people solve problems

Becoming solution-detectives – a creative approach to helping people solve problems – John Sharry When we are faced by problems, our natural inclination is of course to problem solve. We will spend time anaylysing what is wrong and how things are going wrong, so we can come up with a cause or a ‘diagnosis’. While … Continue reading Becoming solution-detectives – a creative approach to helping people solve problems

Cultivating hope and managing despair

Copy of chapter that was published in book  Fleeing Vesuvius  Overcoming the Risks of Economic and Environmental Collapse By John Sharry Societies are struggling to come to terms with the nature and extent of the changes facing them both now and in the future. Modern psychological models of motivation and change, and of how people … Continue reading Cultivating hope and managing despair

Creating a sustainable, viable, future path for civilisation

John Sharry’s paper ‘Hope in the Face of Disaster ‘ presented at Social Justice Ireland’s social policy conference 2013 ‘A Future Worth Living For’. Summary Taking a long term view, this paper explores the many crises that civilisation and humanity will face over the coming decades some of which are already starting to have an … Continue reading Creating a sustainable, viable, future path for civilisation