Articles by John Sharry
Our son sees us argue and is upset
Question:We have been happily married for 10 years. We are immigrants in Ireland, and have no family around. We have some family friends (from our community whom we meet and hang out with on weekends) and have three children; the eldest is nine. My husband and I are extremely happy in our marriage. We have … Continue reading Our son sees us argue and is upset
My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend
QUESTION My 26-year-old son’s behaviour towards his girlfriend has been giving me cause for concern for some time. They have been together since they were in their early teens and are planning to move in together this summer. The problem is that, on occasion, he shows very little respect for her. I find it both … Continue reading My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend
I’m a new mum, my family are bombarding me with advice!
QUESTION: I’m a mother for the first time, to a beautiful daughter who is now six months old. My problem is that I’m being constantly bombarded by advice from my family. My mother and father, my husband’s mother, and my sisters all pitch in with advice about how to raise my daughter. It’s driving me crazy, as … Continue reading I’m a new mum, my family are bombarding me with advice!
How do i deal with mum’s drinking without losing the kids?
Q. You recently wrote about a mother dealing with her ex’s drinking and I wondered how many men are in a similar position. I know I am. Mum drinks at home four or five nights a week, either on her own or with friends. The kids, who are teenagers, are watching this all the time. I protest about it and am told to mind my own business and threatened with separation and/or being thrown out of the house. The kids are now losing patience with it and get very cheeky with their mother when she has had a few drinks.
Our nine year old worries that we will divorce (even though we are happily married).
QUESTION: My nine-year-old daughter is extremely anxious. Despite me and her dad talking to her and reassuring her, she still seems to be very worried. Her main issue is that her dad and I will split up and remarry, despite being happily married to each other. We try not to argue in front of our … Continue reading Our nine year old worries that we will divorce (even though we are happily married).
My 11 year is unhappy about my new relationship
Q: I’m the father of an 11-year-old girl. My wife died almost two years ago. I have recently started a new relationship with someone familar to my daughter (she has taken her shopping, babysat for her and so on before the relationship started), and my daughter is fond of her but since the start of … Continue reading My 11 year is unhappy about my new relationship
My husband has betrayed me and our children
Q: My husband left me suddenly 18 months ago, after 20 years of marriage. I was completely shocked because I did not see it coming; we had our problems, but no more so than most couples. He said he had been unhappy for years and said he was waiting for the children to be in college … Continue reading My husband has betrayed me and our children
New Baby: We are fighting all the time
Q: My husband and I have a beautiful eight-month-old baby, but the problem is that my husband and I just seem to be fighting all the time. I feel alone and isolated minding the baby at home and he still expects me to do most of the housework. I appreciate that he is under a lot of … Continue reading New Baby: We are fighting all the time
We’ve drifted apart now the kids are gone
Q: I have been married for 26 years and have drifted apart from my husband to the point that we almost live separate lives. Our three children are all grown up and the youngest left to work in England last September. I also started back to work full-time a year ago and I love this – … Continue reading We’ve drifted apart now the kids are gone
How can we get back to a better family life after a tough year?
QUESTION: My wife and I have had a challenging and busy year. I was putting in crazy hours at work and then my wife was sick for a period, which became quite a health scare but thankfully she is through that now. We have three teenage children (13, 15 and 16) who are busy with their own lives and I … Continue reading How can we get back to a better family life after a tough year?
My partner has started smoking again
QUESTION I have been with my partner for eight years and we have a 12-month-old daughter together. The issue that really bothers me is that he started smoking again seven months ago even though he knows I hate it. He didn’t tell me at first and was hiding it from me before I found out – … Continue reading My partner has started smoking again
We argue over how to manage the kids, I’m alway’s bad cop.
QUESTION How important do you think it is for parents to present a united front to their children? How much of a problem is it when they don’t? We have three children who are seven, 10 and 14, and my husband and I are always arguing about how best to manage them. My husband is … Continue reading We argue over how to manage the kids, I’m alway’s bad cop.
Emotionally Intelligent Relationships: Part 1
‘Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.’
Aristotle
‘How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it?’
Marcus Aurelius
Emotionally Intelligent Relationships: Part 2
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Carl Jung
Emotionally Intelligent Relationships: Part 3
‘Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.’
Goethe
Keeping a Happy Relationship After Children
AS WELL as bringing lots of joy, the arrival of children actually increases the stress on the parents’ relationship.
We argue over the best way to parent
‘Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.’
Henry Ford
Secondary Infertility: Trying to conceive a second baby is causing strain
Q: I am a mother of a beautiful two-year-old daughter, who will be three in a month, and though I would dearly love another baby, I am having trouble conceiving. My husband and I always imagined having a family of three or more children and I particularly wanted to have my children close together. I am … Continue reading Secondary Infertility: Trying to conceive a second baby is causing strain
My partner is smoking again and I hate it
Q. I have been with my partner for eight years and we have a 12-month-old daughter together. The issue that really bothers me is that he started smoking again seven months ago even though he knows I hate it. He didn’t tell me at first and was hiding it from me before I found out – I could smell it off his breath though he tried to disguise it with mints. I am worried about his health as our baby’s father.
How can I make more time for family?
Q. Both my wife and I are working parents and, like many, we are struggling to keep working, pay the bills and be good parents to our three children (three, six and seven). My business has taken a nose-dive over the past few years and now I have to work longer hours to make the same money. My wife works part-time and is busy minding the kids which is hard work.
My husband gets angry with the kids
Q. My husband can get so angry with the children sometimes, especially when he is stressed and frustrated. He is otherwise a caring, involved dad and I don’t doubt that he loves our children. However, when they misbehave he can have a short fuse and ends up shouting and threatening them.
We’ve drifted apart since having children
Q: I feel very unhappy in my marriage and have done for some time. My wife and I seem to have drifted apart over the years. We are rarely sexually intimate and our relationship has become a bit routine and monotonous. We have three beautiful children – a five-year-old and twins, aged three – and this is the one blessing in our marriage.
Introducing my child to a new partner
Q. I read your answer recently about the right way and time to introduce a new partner into a child’s life, (Read it here) and it has led to renewed discussion about this issue with friends of mine who are also single mothers.
Should I leave my husband?
Q. I’ve been married for 19 years and over time I have grown apart from my husband to such an extent that now I feel deeply unhappy and want to leave. Though he has been a good father to our three children (14 to 18 years of age) I feel we have nothing in common as a couple and all my happy times are out with my friends and work colleagues. Often I dread coming home to him. We are rarely intimate and, to be honest, I don’t look forward to it. I don’t feel he is a bad man, it is just that we have drifted apart.