Articles by John Sharry
At what age should I give my child a mobile phone?
Question:My daughter was 12 last week and she is already starting to pester me about getting a mobile phone. She sees her older sister on her phone all the time and thinks she deserves one. Also, it seems one of her classmates got one over the summer and this has added to the pressure. Her … Continue reading At what age should I give my child a mobile phone?
Should I allow my 13-year-old to post on YouTube?
Parent Question:My 12-year-old son wants to start posting videos on YouTube. He is mad into video games and soccer and watches vlogs and commentaries on YouTube. He would do this all day long if I let him. He is now trying to make his own video clips and says he wants to post them online. … Continue reading Should I allow my 13-year-old to post on YouTube?
My autistic teenager is constantly online
Parent Question:My 14-year-old son, who is autistic, has become really dependent on his phone and computer and is spending nearly the whole day on some sort of device. Over the long summer it was hard to get him to do much else. In the heat of a row, I did remove his phone, and this … Continue reading My autistic teenager is constantly online
‘Pressure Points’ Part 1: Being Protective V Being Permissive
This is part 1 of a six-part series of articles that describes evidence-based and practical parenting principles on how to positively influence your children and help them grow up into responsible adults. Children and young people are under increased pressures to become involved in risky and harmful activities such as smoking, drinking, drug taking as … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 1: Being Protective V Being Permissive
‘Pressure Points’ Part 6: Building your child’s resilience
Over the last five articles in my “Pressure Points” series I have explored what parents can do to empower their children to make responsible choices around risky behaviours such smoking, drinking, sex and the dangers on the Internet. In this last article, I explore how parents can build resilience in their children so they have … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 6: Building your child’s resilience
‘Pressure Points’ Part 5: How to help your child avoid ‘falling in with the wrong crowd’
As children grow older, a big worry for parents is that their children might “fall in with the wrong crowd” or be part of a negative or irresponsible peer group. You might have a child who is already “easily led” or who has a tendency to be “impulsive” and you know that with the influence … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 5: How to help your child avoid ‘falling in with the wrong crowd’
‘Pressure Points’ Part 4: Making rules and building responsibility
In recent times we have read about the problems of being a “helicopter parent” who “hovers” over children becoming over-involved, deciding too much for children and not giving them the freedom to learn from their own mistakes. However, equally problematic is “over-permissive” or “disengaged” parenting, when anything goes and children are given too much freedom … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 4: Making rules and building responsibility
‘Pressure Points’ Part 3: Talking to your children about dangers
When thinking of all the dangers that confront our children (such as alcohol, drugs, the internet, etc), it can be hard to know how and when to discuss these risks with them. Certainly, it is easy as parents to put these conversations on the long finger and to even avoid them altogether. Some parents feel … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 3: Talking to your children about dangers
‘Pressure Points’ Part 2: Five ways to connect with your children
Having a warm connected relationship with your children is definitely one of the most enjoyable aspects of parenting. Doing fun activities together, sharing experiences and having good conversations all make for creating deeply satisfying relationships between parents and children. Such connected relationships have enormous benefits for children, in terms of building their self-esteem and confidence … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 2: Five ways to connect with your children
Healthy Families Series Part 4: Managing Screens and Technology at Home
In the past 20 years the use of technology has invaded family life. Whereas previously there was only the TV to contend with, now we have the internet, video games and smart phones all interrupting family life. When I first started clinical work with families, the number one battle for parents was to get their … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 4: Managing Screens and Technology at Home
My 13-year-old son is addicted to online gaming
QUESTION My son, who is 13, is completely addicted to technology, particularly online gaming which he would happily spend the entire day on if he was allowed. It has got to the point where he barely engages in family life and is doing the minimum of homework. We are fighting all the time about it. … Continue reading My 13-year-old son is addicted to online gaming
Should I allow my 11-year-old have a smartphone?
QUESTION My 11-year-old daughter is pushing to have her own smartphone to play games and to email her friends. I have resisted so far because, to be honest, I feel a bit at sea over the whole technology issue. I am worried about what she might be exposed to. The other day, she was looking … Continue reading Should I allow my 11-year-old have a smartphone?
My 14 year old won’t switch off technology at night.
QUESTION: My 14-year-old son is a poor sleeper, which has implications for him getting up in the mornings. He has got into bad habits and has a TV in his room. He says watching TV in his room helps him relax before sleep, though I am not sure. He is also on his tablet all the … Continue reading My 14 year old won’t switch off technology at night.
Is my teenager addicted to technology?
QUESTION: How addictive is technology for teenagers? My two do not seem to be able to last a few minutes without their phone and access to social networking sites. I feel like I have lost them to computers and phones. I am particularly worried about my 15-year-old son who seems to be completely addicted. He tries to … Continue reading Is my teenager addicted to technology?
My 11 year old son has been looking at adult sites online
Q. We have a family PC in the living room and the children use it for homework and games and we always supervise their use. Reviewing the history the other day I discovered that my eldest son who is 11 years old was looking at adult sites – when he put in the term “sex” in Google. He must have been doing it when we were briefly out of the room.
My daughter has been sexting
Q. The other night when my daughter, who is 16, went out, she left her phone behind. I know I shouldn’t have, but curiosity got the better of me and I looked through her texts. I just wanted to check she was okay because she hasn’t been communicating a lot with me lately. However, I was shocked at what I discovered. On the phone were a number of explicit sexual texts between her and a boy in the local area.
What rules should I have around technology for my teenagers?
Q. I have three children aged 16, 14 and 11. What rules should I set around using technology in the home? They seem to always be either watching TV, on the tablet, using the Wii or texting friends. They’re technology obsessed. They would spend the whole day on their devices if I let them. Sometimes I come in from work and all three of them are on a screen of some sort and it is hard to get a word out of them.
My 16 year old has been cyberbullied
Q. My 16-year-old daughter had become quite withdrawn and irritable the past few weeks. She eventually told me that she was picked on and bullied by another girl online. This girl is from around the area but goes to another school. She had met a boy at a disco a few months go and dated him a few times. He was an ex-boyfriend of this girl and she posted some nasty stuff about my daughter online.
Should I let my 13 year old on Facebook?
Q. Our oldest daughter just turned 13 and is pushing to have a Facebook account. Myself and her father feel reluctant to let her do this, as you hear about all the horror stories of cyber-bullying and inappropriate usage and so on. I’d prefer her to wait until she is older but she argues that all her friends in school are on it and accuses us of being “old-fashioned” and out of touch.
We need to be more protective of children online
A few years ago, the most common way for young teenagers to socialise was by gathering in adult-free groups in homes, clubs or even on street corners to engage in the normal rituals of chatting and gossiping, flirting and experimenting with relationships. This was all part of the normal ritual of growing up, discovering one’s … Continue reading We need to be more protective of children online
My children are TV addicts, how can I stop it?
Q. My two sons (aged five and seven years) would watch TV all day if I let them. This has been particularly the case over Christmas. This leads to battles as I try to get them to switch it off and do something else more healthy. My seven year old in particular seems to be addicted and he gets into a real strop when I turn it off. Do you think TV is addictive? And how much TV should I let them watch or should I get rid of it altogether?
My son has been watching porn on his phone
Q. We bought our 17-year-old son a smartphone five months ago for his birthday. He had been pressing to get one for ages, “like all his friends”, and we finally gave in. He was out the other day and had forgotten to take his phone with him, which is unusual as it is normally welded to him. I took the opportunity to look at it. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was curious to see what he was up to on it. Looking at his history and apps I discovered he was regularly accessing porn and adult sites. As his mother, I was a little shocked.
My 9 year old wants a TV in the bedroom
Q. Are there any circumstances where it is a good idea for children to have a TV in their bedroom as my nine- year-old son is pushing for one? I know the general advice is that it is not a good idea and normally I would be against it. However, a friend of mine says she finds it useful for her son as it allows him to retreat into his room for 30 minutes or so of downtime and she sees no harm in this.
Can I put a stop to my son’s wish on Santa’s list?
Q. My eight-year-old son wants an Xbox from Santa this Christmas. Now I am a little worried about him getting this as I think the games can be a little violent – certainly the ones he is talking about wanting to play – and I’d prefer him to ask for something else and not get an Xbox for a few years. He already has a Wii and a Nintendo DS, so he has plenty of gadgets. However, I don’t want to disappoint him either and he has already written to Santa about this.
What age should I let my child have a mobile phone?
Q. What age should you give a child a mobile phone? My nine-year-old daughter has been pestering me for one. I am concerned about giving her one so young because you hear about so many problems with inappropriate texts or even bullying on the phone. She wanted one for Christmas, but I managed to put her off and she got something else. But I know she is going to start asking again now in the new year.
Online Bullying
While online social media has revolutionised how we communicate with one another, the fact that it can be used as a forum for personal attacks, intimidation and bullying has been highlighted in recent weeks. Several pertinent questions are raised such as does online social media give rise to a more dangerous form of bullying and what is it about the psychology of online social media that gives rise to bullying in the first place?